"Other"... People

One of the most difficult concepts about being a parent of an Autistic child is that unless other parents around you have children with Autism as well, they will never understand what you are going through. Some people accept this and are still very supportive and kind, making sure that you know that if there is any way they can help, they will. Then there is the others. The ones who treat you like the child is not the problem, you are. They insist that it is "just a discipline problem" and that both you and your child should "just get over it". This is why I would like to create a room, where there is nothing but light and noise, preferably the sound of static that you would hear on a tv or radio and lights that are bright like someone who won't turn off their high beams when they are driving toward you in the middle of the night. And then tell them to try to learn something or to isolate a sound, and when they can't, scream in a foreign language at them. Any time they touch something, it is charged with the volts of a cattle fence, and the only way someone else can touch them is with a cattle prod. This room would be for those other people, so they can get an idea of what it is like.

Thankfully, Alexzander has more of the supportive people around him than he does the other people. He has more people who will look at what he has accomplished over the school year than he does that picks on the things he still needs to work on. I, however, have a few more of the other people attacking me than he does, but I would rather have it this way. My favorite example of this is the old woman who proclaimed that my heavy metal music was the reason for Alex's autism. So for all of the "other people" who read this blog, please know that the more outlandish your proclamation to me, the more likely I will retell it. Other than that, it has been mostly that I just don't discipline him enough, loud enough, hard enough... whatever.

Then there is Tony (for those of you not privy to the situation, Tony is not Alex's biological father, but if you were to watch the two together, one would agree that he is very much "dad" anyway). He gets his own paragraph because he has mastered the art of "The Look", which I have not been able to, no matter how much I study him and try. Tony does not have to say very much, and Alex gets that what he is doing... he should stop. He has taken the time to read about what is going on with Alex, and I am sure that the reason why nothing negative about my parenting is said around him is mostly because he looks like he could break pretty much anyone in half. I am glad that no one has asked me why I want to marry him, because the list of why I wouldn't is much much much much shorter.

My lovely boss said it best when she said, "Being a parent sucks." We both love our kids unconditionally, and she is trying to get it through my head that its ok to feel defeated and various other negative feelings as a parent. Again, the good vastly outweighs the bad, so we would not have it any other way, but sometimes, situations just make our job sucky. Sadly, because of some rule about cruel and unusual punishment, my room cannot be made for all those "others". Google is telling me its the Eighth Amendment. Oh well. Instead, I will just continue to point out the ignorance when it comes to the situation that is being shown when comments like those mentioned above are made.

Summer Goals

Since I am only taking 7 credits worth of class over the summer, I find that I am getting excited about the ideas that I have in my head for Alex over this summer. I am trying to find a good speech therapy program for him to get into, and find that this is probably the most difficult of all of my tasks that I would like to accomplish because of grown up things like insurance and just not being rich enough to pay for some of the services that I have been finding. I was lead to Chileda, that cannot help Alex until he is 6 years old, and they pointed me back to Gundersen, who told me to try a place called "Partners in Excellence", who were really excited about Alex, but then my dreams were crushed when I found out that our insurance would not cover them. So back to Gundersen I went, and hopefully one of the speech therapists can find a spot for him for the summer. Meanwhile, he will still be in touch with his school through a play group that his teacher, Mrs. Adam, and his aid, Mrs. G, will be having. He will then continue to be familiar with his surroundings so that his transition back into the school year will not be as rough.

As for at home, I have a few things planned. When I went to Alex's classroom, I noticed something that I would like to have here at home: An organizer that hangs on the wall, so Alex can just have everything he needs at his little fingertips. I bought him flashcards, three work books, and he already has the right size table and chairs so that he can sit comfortably when he learns. His room is going to be changing too. I am buying him a solar system for his ceiling, complete with glow in the dark stars, and all of the toys that he doesn't play with are going out the door. I want to rearrange his furniture to maximize the space he has in there, and find him a rug with something like the countries of the world on it, or letters and numbers... or something like that, so he has to look at. Also, I have to find him a better bookshelf because the one he has in his room now is falling apart, because I really don't think that it was designed to hold so many books and deal with the abuse of a 4 year old.

Lastly, I am looking at the tools that Leap Frog has to offer. Specifically: the LeapFrog Tag, which is a pen that can read books to him, since he hates having me read books to him most of the time. I also have been looking at the learning games they have, but I might hold off on them until I know whether he likes the pen thing or not.

I have lofty goals this summer, but considering all of my classes are online and I will not be at work all the time, I hope that Alex and I can continue his progress over the summer. I am getting him a bike so we can go outside. I really am excited about the free time that I have coming, because now I can direct it toward Alex and his needs, rather than the countless hours of homework that takes up so much of my time during the semesters.

Creative Problem Solving

So far, I think that Tony and I have done a good job at coming up with creative solutions to some of the problems presented to us when it comes to Alex. For example: The cunning use of electronics. Now, the older generation usually thinks that things like computers and gaming consoles rot our brains and make us lazy. But I beg to differ. A keyboard is a powerful tool when your child is learning their alphabet, because it forces them to recognize the letters out of order, when so often they are presented with the alphabet in order. The XBox 360: Do you know how exciting it is to hear Alex screaming the colors as they come shooting past while Erik is playing Guitar Hero? Its a new age, people. I got a note from school telling me that he now has an iPad at school to work with. He already knows what sound every letter makes, so I really feel that it is just a matter of time before he is starting to read.

While at his grandparents, he has fallen in love with The Foxxy Shopper. Alex will spell out anything in that newspaper, from ads to auction announcements. His favorite word to spell? M-E-N-A-R-D-S. Seriously. When he was younger, I would tell him that we were going to "The Man Store" when we went there, and he has somehow found a love for that building that amazes me. He gets wide eyed when we pull into the parking lot, like it is his own personal heaven. He sits and gazes at everything as we go down the isles and even has a hint of sadness as we check out.

I do get frustrated though, because he still does not come up with his own unique sentences. He can use things he has heard before to clue me in to what he wants or needs, but that is still him using other's words. I have a feeling that with his creative mind, once he does start using his own words, he will be just as random, if not more than, his own mother.

Alas, Tony and I have not been able to find an answer for everything. We are still knee deep in the epic battle of trying to get Alex to stop chewing on EVERYTHING he comes in contact with. Our remote has suffered the loss of a button to those teeth, many toys had to be thrown away due to the gnawing, and we no longer have door-stoppers...

We are afraid that one day the kitties will be next. If anyone has any ideas about how to get him to stop chewing on things, please let me know...... pretty please?

On another note, I am looking into programs for Alex to join over the summer. I am hoping that he will be able to explore new places and try new things to expand his horizons, even though mom's is still limited to school, work, and family. I have been looking into what Chileda offers (after Tony made the suggestion), his teacher has invited him to attend a play group on Tuesdays to keep him used to the school itself, and I have to make sure that he gets proper Grandpa and Nana time so that neither Grandpa nor Alex goes through withdrawal.

He has made giant leaps forward in regards to progress this school year. I am not sitting here taking credit for any of this, because he has done it all. He has formed bonds with people in his life and touched the hearts of many, and they have helped him to find his groove and he is now off and running. When he walks across the stage at any of his graduations, I hope that Mrs. G and Mrs. Adam will be there, because they have been such a big part of his success.

To Begin...

Why did I start this blog?

The simple reason is that I needed to. I have found that I need to put a voice to the frustrations, conquests, and even mediocre moments that happen with Alexzander. There are people around me who don't understand what it is like to feel completely helpless when it comes to raising your child. He is my first child, and so far my only child, so every day I am learning how to put together the pieces of the puzzle of how to keep what little control I have over my life.

A little about Alexzander the Great:

He was diagnosed with Autism at 3 1/2. We got him into Preschool and he has done a fabulous job mingling with his classmates and learning anything that his teacher will teach him. His favorite things are letters and numbers, cars, airplanes, dancing, music, books, and bugging his kitties. His support system consists of my parents, "Grandpa and Nana", myself and Tony, whom we really haven't decided what he wants to call him yet (Tony? Dad? He can't make up his mind...), his teacher Mrs. Adam and his Mrs. G (that is what we call her at home), and his extended family of his classmates, and my siblings along with their children.

I look forward to writing more, and letting you all in to the daily life of this amazing kid, and the parents that put up with his shenanigans.