Jabber Jaws

To put things plain and simple, Alex's language is getting so much better. Instead of his rambling and trying to catch tid-bits and having a hard time understanding him, he is now using his words and phrases he knows, repeating them when asked, and even personalizing some things when he babbles.

And boy, does he babble a lot.

For example: Sunday was his last swimming lesson (for the winter months, he will resume next spring), and he was not feeling very well. When I asked him while he was lying on the couch, not talking, if he was feeling ok, he said, "Yeah, I ok." and then when I told him to let me know if he needed something, he said, "Ok.". This may not seem like a very major thing, but it is. Before, if he was asked a question, he would just stare at you because he didn't understand what you wanted from him. He is now realizing that he follows a question with an answer, usually about himself, and he is doing wonderfully at it.

This morning, after spending the last two days with Tony, I asked him if he was ready to go to Grandpa's house. He said, "My Grandpa's house." He is personalizing the people in his life too! I never thought that I would be so proud of my child for taking ownership of things! He recognizes "mine" and "yours"!

Last night, during our family movie time, he was bugging Tony (which is normal) , and said, "Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!" (of course this gets to me, you know, the whole him calling Tony "dad" thing, but that isn't where I am going with this). He calls the cats by their "names", Kitty and Fat Cat, and he even made up his own song about Fat Cat. It was too cute. And he recognizes the cats as "his kitties". So many big steps!

He is starting to remember what certain words look like in his books, and when he points at them, he makes sure he reads them loudly because he is so excited. I really do think that once he gets the reading thing down, there will be no stopping him in reading anything and everything ever written.

He is so goofy, but I love him. Just like Tony- He is majorly goofy too, but I love him. Their goofiness compliments each other, and I guess my job is to be the ringleader of this circus?

"Loving Lampposts", and the Aftermath

On Sunday, I watched a movie called "Loving Lampposts". It was a documentary about a man trying to get into his autistic son's world, understand it, and see what his opinion was on it, after exploring all the different ideas (cures, causes, ect.). It was an excellent movie, and I highly recommend it to anyone who wants to know about Alex, and the man feels exactly the same way as I do about the whole situation, so you can really learn what I think about things as well. But after watching, I am thankful for many things. I am thankful that Alex does have what language he does, and uses it frequently, I am glad that even after Alex was diagnosed, it didn't hurt Tony and I's relationship (the movie said that most parents of autistic children go through a divorce, even though Tony and I are not married), and I am glad that he has Tony, myself, and his Grandpa and Grandma to be there for him and understand his quirks that no one else really does.

I do worry every day that one piece of Alex's puzzle life may one day be lost, and I am not sure how he will deal with it. I think about this because on Sunday my father turned 62, and he really is Alex's best friend. I know that it will be hard on me if I ever lose him, but Alex might not understand at first. It will be a really terrible time for him, trying to understand loss.

I know that my life is stressful on the people around it as well as me, and I am trying very hard to hurry up and finish school so that I can get a job and start contributing more to the household. After this semester is over, I will have spring semester, some classes over the summer, and then fall semester. Then, I plan on getting a full time job (hopefully in a lab somewhere) so that we can start saving so that we can make our family official. I know people may think that I want to marry Tony because "everyone is doing it" but that really isn't what it is about. He fits. He fits with Alex and I. Its not an easy job to fit with an autistic kid, let alone the workaholic/worrier/idiosyncratic mother, but he did it. And he is a great dad to Alex, just like my dad was/is to me, so now I just have to hope that we don't lose him.

Love. Its something that Alex, Tony, and I all do in different ways. While the guys are much more reserved about it, I am the one who hugs and kisses, and tells them that I love them every chance I get. Tony is much more reserved than Alex and I, where we have to kind of guess when he is trying to show us that he loves us. And Alex. He is probably the most profound in his ability to love. He has a strong sense of compassion, which he pairs with being silly, and has the ability to get pretty much anyone to fall in love with him.

Although all autistic children are different, they all have one thing in common, and that is they see the world in a different way. I think that sometimes, the rest of us need to try seeing the world as they do, so we can realize that maybe we have our priorities wrong. Maybe we need to make our lives simpler. Or maybe, if Alex were in charge of the world, everyone would have a trampoline and be required to jump everyday. That wouldn't be so bad, would it?

Alex's Barriers

Since his troubles at swimming lessons on Sunday, I have been thinking about some things regarding Alex, and I would like to put out there that this whole entry is just a hypothesis that I am thinking about, and I am not sure, really, about anything.

On Sunday, Alex has his regular swimming lessons, only this time his instructor, Miss Emily, was sick. So he had a substitute. Well, Alex doesn't like new people all that much, he prefers to keep things the same all the time if possible, especially people. Needless to say, the whole lesson time Alex was screaming at the sub, pushing her hands away and not wanting her near him, let alone talking to him or even looking at him. There was no progress made, just one big yelling match.

This is what got me to start thinking. I think that Alex dislikes having that happen to him so much, that he just kind of shuts down. After we got back from swimming, we were outside playing with his sidewalk chalk and he didn't really say much to me. When his aunt Amy came over to give him a pumpkin she picked up for him, this sort of lifted his spirits and he did talk with her for a while. But I think that he is trying so hard not to be hurt when people he expects to be around are not there, that he just sort of shuts down until something comes around to lift his spirits.

I do worry about how his dad not being around in his life at all anymore affects him. I wish he could tell me, in his own words, how his heart feels. Tony and I try our hardest to fill the gap, but I don't know if any damage has been done that we can't undo. I know there are a lot of times when Alex wants to tell me what is going on, but he doesn't have the words, and it frustrates him so much. I know he wanted to tell that sub that no, he didn't feel comfortable with her, that he didn't want to go in the pool with her, but he didn't know how. There are many times where I would gladly give up my voice so that he can have his own, his own words to express how he feels.

I was told by one of the other swimming instructors to not worry about it. I do, however, worry about it, because I want Alex to understand that just because it is a new person, that they are not going to hurt him, they just want to help.

I am not sure what I can do, if anything, to help Alex right now. We are working to help him deal with his frustration times better, and every day I look forward to reading about his day at school and what fun things he did. But at the same time, I worry, because I want Alex to have opportunities in life, and I worry that his language barrier might get in the way of that. I would love nothing more than to listen to Alex tell me stories about anything, to hear him use his own words. I know that this is the hardest part for me, is not being able to communicate, but having to relearn how to tell him things so he understands.

There are times when I know that people just really don't understand what it is like, having a child that can't just be left with a babysitter or having to plan what you are going to say to make sure that he will understand. Its not easy having a child that cries and can't just say, "Mommy, I am sad!" or "Mommy, I am frustrated!". But all I can do is just keep looking ahead, and hoping that the day will arrive when he finally can tell me what is on his mind.

Its Been Far Too Long.....

So many new things to discuss! I have been a bit busy these last couple weeks, trying to get some things done, working a lot, and trying to make sure I get ample time with my family.

The first thing I think I am going to tell you about is how well Alex is doing with his swimming (see the videos). He is finally starting to realize he can use his arms, and has been doing much better using them around his fun noodle. He has been venturing into the deep end of the pool, and his new swimming buddy, Miss Emily, follows and encourages him every step of the way. He did a great job transitioning from Miss Danielle to being taught by Miss Emily, he realized that he had a new buddy, established the boundaries, and they have been making great progress ever since. This group of swimming lessons ends the 16th of this month, and then he gets a bit of a break before the next set of lessons begins. He really enjoys it, so I am totally ok with the long drive!

The next item of importance is of course, HIS BIRTHDAY! On September 23rd, our little man turned 5 years old. We had a little family get together for him, and he got some great birthday presents. His favorite thing (other than the two trampolines he got, one for Grandpa and Grandma's house, and the other for home) that he got was from my parents, and they got him a doctor kit. He has been checking my blood pressure, listening to my heart, and I swear I have gotten more shots from him since he got that than I ever did going through chemotherapy. He has grown so much, and I can't believe that 5 years has passed so quickly.

The other day, we got the coolest thing sent home with Alex from his school. They have been working with him trying to get him to realize when he is getting angry, and how he can deal with it in a way that doesn't involve screaming or hurting anyone or himself. He has an anger thermometer, and the bottom is "relaxed" and the top is "angry". It has faces on there, showing him angry and relaxed, and so far they are having great success using it at school. Hopefully, this will help when Tony and I are trying to get him to clean his room or clean up his toys, so he doesn't get as angry.

Which brings me to my last, and probably my most important, piece of news. I am so excited to share with everyone that he is starting to use more words. He is beginning to listen more to the words that Tony and I speak, and hast started to repeat a lot of them. He is growing and becoming more of a social creature everyday! I am not going to take any credit for this, I think that most of the thanks for this should go to his wonderful teachers and to Tony. Alex has been spending a lot of time with Tony, and I see how much he looks up to him, so I know he listens to everything he says and stores it away (which may or may not be a good thing?).

I cannot express with words how proud I am of Alex. He has a heart of gold and is a good kid (most of the time). We do still have some rough patches, but they are getting less frequent and he seems to calm down faster. All we can do now is sit back and watch him grow, offering our advice and help whenever he needs it.