Back to School and Some Tough Decisions

This week I have thought about a lot of things that I wanted to talk about on here, but as per usual, I have to go through the week and explain all of the awesome that Alex did this week.

On Tuesday, he and I went and got his school supplies. He was such a great kid while we were at the store, helping to pick out his folders and crayons and whatever else his long list had, that I said he could get a new backpack. While there is nothing wrong with the old one, I remember how exciting it was going to school with a new backpack, and we can donate the old one to a little boy that doesn't have one (this is something that I find VERY important that Alex learn: That there are many people out there with less than he has, and there is no reason for him to have excess that he will not use when we can simply donate it). It is another Cars one (of course), and we put his name on the tag (which he was quite excited about). He also got to pick out a Kindergarten Nap-Time Mat, and the one he chose was a blue and green one. He got a pencil box, which he was quite confused about, but we have been keeping his colors in something similar so hopefully he will understand the concept once he has to keep stuff in there.

The thing at the top is his lunch box, which he chose the one with Spiderman on it. This will hold his "back-up lunch", which he only gets in the event that he doesn't eat the hot lunch at school. We are trying to get him to expand his palate, and at the same time not let him know that we are doing it (he is stubborn that way). So he is going to eat with his friends, hopefully they will coerce him into eating school lunch (even if it takes a while).

After we got home, and after Dad came back from Tomah (which I will discuss in a moment), they then took off and had a Man Trip to Best Buy. Alex got a new copy of "Monsters vs Aliens" because he wore his old one out. They also bought some new music and rented a game.

So the reason that Tony was in Tomah is because he had to take a physical assessment for his new job at the Distribution Center there. This is a very exciting thing for our family, indeed! This means that through the school year, he will be home Tuesday through Thursday to take Alex off of the bus, while I will be home on Monday to do so, thus greatly releasing the strain of dealing with our rather rambunctious Kindergartner from my father. Tony will be working Saturday through Monday, 12 hours a day. While he will have to endure quite the drive, by this time next year we are moving to West Salem to be a bit closer to his job and Alex will get to be in an amazing school district.

Which is the first thing that I have to discuss that has been on my mind. This will be very difficult on my dad, as Alex and him are very close. However, I will have to beg and plead with him not to get angry, because this is what is best for Alex. It is not like we are not taking him into account. We were going to move long before Tony got this job. Since they have a day care with teachers that can help him with things he needs to do for school that is right across the street from his school, West Salem seems like a perfect place for him to not only get the best education possible, but also for him to have the ability to play with his peers (whom he has the most difficulty with when it comes to communicating) after school is done.

And, we have to get out of this building. It is like a frat house with people who are long past the age to be acting like that. But that was just a short rant, which if I don't put a cap on could turn into a whole post itself.

I guess that when it comes to the time of having to tell him (being my father), I want to let him know that I have done a lot of research on this, that I am acting in Alex's best interests, and that he cannot think selfishly. Its not like Alex will forget about him or anything. We want it to become a reward for Alex to go down to Grandpa's house, after a long week at school or after he conquered a really hard task. When it comes to my parents, I have to stand up for Alex and let them know that yeah, stuff is hard for him, but he is my kid. They watched me go through hell and back, and I am still standing. I know Alex has that kind of strength in him too, because I see it all the time. I don't want Alex thinking that because something is hard, that he can give up on it, because that is not what they, my parents, taught me to think. I was raised on the idea that hard work could get you anything you wanted, if you wanted it bad enough. This is a quality that I want to instill on Alex, since it has been so pivotal in my life.

How do I know he can do the impossible? Yesterday, I asked him to draw me a map to Grandpa's house when it was drawing time. First he drew this:

This is the first sign he sees on his way to Grandpa's house. Then he flipped the page and drew this:

Which is the road sign on the road that Grandpa lives on. See? Terribly smart kid. And his artwork, with the coloring time that I have him do, is getting pretty amazing. He drew a couple of elephants on his wall, and this one was the best one, which he named "Andrew" (of course):

This week I have watched him grow just a little bit more, as I do every week, but this week I grew a little bit with him. I realized that even though I am scared to discuss a lot of this stuff if you were to see me in person, it is mostly because I like to keep things to myself. Which is just me. And this is the important thing that I realized. Alex doesn't need me to be an advocate, he doesn't need me to be Supermom. He doesn't care how much I do in one day, nor does he really care how much money Daddy or Mommy makes. What he does care about is that we are here, that we are ourselves, and that we love him. The most powerful thing Alex has learned how to say other than "I love you" is "Will you help me?". Because he has the ability to ask for help when he knows he needs it, I don't really worry about what I am doing wrong, because I know that to him, I am doing everything right. He is expanding his mind and he is getting so much better socially, that I know that what Tony and I are doing is the perfect medium between the two terrible extremes: Not caring, and caring too much it is suffocating.

Last night I went to my sister Angela's house to get my oldest nieces's senior pictures (holy cow do I feel old), and I met my second oldest nieces's boyfriend's mom. She was talking about concerns she has for her daughter, who is showing many signs of autism, and she has even done some web research on it. However, her husband denies it, and says that it is not his daughter.

The words I didn't have last night to tell her was this: Autism isn't really ANY of our kids. Any of the 1 in 88. My child is Alexzander, an almost 6 year old who loves reading, dancing to music, and coloring. He somehow manages to find a place in the hearts of everyone he meets, and if he is around you enough you will see that he is a pretty awesome little dude. When he was diagnosed, I didn't look at him differently, like this suddenly made him a different person. There is nothing more frustrating than people thinking that my son IS Autism, instead of "my son just happens to be Autistic". It doesn't mean that you have to change who you are around them, by any means. It just means that he needs a little extra help every once in a while. What is denying that your child is autistic going to do for them in the long run anyway? Nothing but hurt them, I assume. There are so many crazy stereotypes that come with the label of Autism, none of which really pertain to my kid. I am not going to let him think that because he can't do something one way, that he is inferior or it gives him an excuse not to find another way. I am not a good "excuse" person, I really actually hate them. I am not going to tell Alex he cannot do something, because this MIGHT happen. Everything is a learning process with him, with heavy emphasis of the PROCESS. When a child is diagnosed, it is the parents job to find how they learn, what is the best medium for them in which to learn, which leads the way to what their learning process is. Set aside your feelings of inferiority, any ill feelings toward your child, and just become active with them. If there are siblings, they will follow suit. Don't look for "cures" or a cause, because that will make you lose focus on what is really important: Learning your child. You have spent this long with them, you should have the ability to know what they are all about. Let the scientists and doctors work on all of the other stuff.

And for the love of everything right and holy, do not, I repeat, DO NOT listen to a damn word that Jenny McCarthy has to say.

Until next week, I hope that all of you have an amazing time, and thanks for reading my blathering!

Stitch-free and The Golf Outing

Lets start at the beginning of the week, shall we? Monday, Alex had a good day with Grandpa doing Grandpa and Alex things. On Tuesday, Alex went to play group and stayed all by himself. He did a great job listening and following directions, which is great because we are using this as practice for what he can expect in Kindergarten. After he came home, we had some relax time, and then we all went to La Crosse so that I could go to the doctor, and then we went shopping. Alex is always so helpful at the doctor's office. He checked my reflexes and made sure my eyes were working, then made sure that I was breathing, which is always good.

Wednesday, he spent the day with Dad doing guy stuff, and on Thursday, we went up to Onalaska to get his stitches out. Tony had to hold him down, because he was not a fan of anyone touching his finger. We tried to bribe him by getting him a new book and his favorite meal beforehand, but it was still scary for him.

Friday he spent with Grandpa again, and then after Tony and I got done with work, we went down to a golf course outside of Westby to celebrate Uncle Nate's birthday. Alex got to ride around in golf carts, which he loved, and even abandoned me so he could ride around with Grandpa. It is to the point where we have to explain to Alex that he is with Grandpa a lot, and sometimes Grandpa needs some time off from him. So he rode around with me and Tony, and we got in trouble for chasing the geese there (but it was fun!).

Yesterday he was able to spend the day with Grandpa AND Grandma, and apparently he hast started to take all of his toys and make a mountain on their bed with them. When I came to get him on Friday, Grandpa was even in the toy mountain!

Well, the vibrating teether literally lasted about a day, and now most of the plastic covering is gone. When we first gave it to him, he was so lost as to what he was supposed to do with it...

So now, phase two is to go to Once Upon A Child and try to find the necklaces that were suggested to me. Hopefully they will work, but I have to find the time to get up there and get them to check them out.

Today, we are trying to relax. This past week has been hard on me, and I have been rather tired and lacking in energy for most of it. I told Alex that this is the perfect day to just relax and not really do much of anything. So while I am writing this he is playing a game of Blue's Clues, and writing in his notebook trying to figure out his own clues...

I looked at the calendar last night and noticed that we only have two weeks and then he starts Jump Start, which will bring us both up to school time. Some days mom and dad will get him from school, and some days Grandpa will get him from school. It should be really exciting. Also, this means that I need to get my butt in gear and start doing his school supply shopping. He will definitely need new everything, but if I can locate it, I may still have his backpack! He has grown out of a lot of clothes, and his shoes are really not big enough anymore. We have the list of everything he needs, but it is just finding the time to work on getting it. Not only that, but I also have to get supplies of my own for my last semester as an undergraduate student! Man does time fly when you are having fun!



With this post, you all may have noticed that ads have found their way on to my blog. But don't worry. I actually get paid for those being there and I get to control what is on there. So don't start freaking out, I allowed it.

New Tattoo, and a Chewing Problem

This week, I was able to finally find some time to go and get the artwork done that I have wanted for so long. For 45 minutes, and a grand total of only $50, I was able to show that for as long as my skin is on my body, I am proud of my little boy and every aspect that is a part of him.

The rose and the rest of it down below was there before, but I added on the butterfly with the Autism Awareness puzzle pieces for its wings. I am very happy with the way it turned out, and even the artist said it was like it is complete now.

This week also lead me to figure out why Alex has been constantly chewing on things that are not edible. Via a question I asked to the "Always Unique, Totally Intellegent, Sometimes Mysterious" facebook page, I learned that Alex has what is called Pica, where he is either lacking in Iron or Zinc, or he chews to meet some sensory need. It is a disorder where they have a need to eat non-food items to meet these needs. You can read about it at: http://medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/pica

So after I was given some ideas as to how to conquer this rather costly problem (Alex has eaten buttons off of remotes, his iPad's cover, numerous toys, shirts... and the list goes on), I tried the one that seemed like it would work out the best: A vibrating teether. However, he already has chewed off the plastic tip of the covering, so I think Tony and I will have to resort to buying the (rather expensive to us) chewy tubes. I am lucky that I found some on Amazon, and all they are is just plastic tubes (some in the shape of letters) that are safe to chew on. They are about $5 per tube on Amazon, where other websites have them for about $8 (which is a lot for a little plastic tube to a college student). But we have to try something. We are always worried about whether he will choke on something.

With this, we also are going to see what his doctor has to say about finding some way to test his Iron and Zinc levels to see if that is why he has just randomly started chewing on stuff again. He used to do this before, but then stopped for a period of time, and has just recently started back up again. We worry about him chewing apart his books (that is what happened last time) which we will have an even harder time replacing. It has been a very stressful aspect of Autism, let me assure you.

But let me end this week's post by writing about a happy thing. There has been a massive increase in the amount of attention Alex has wanted from both Tony and I. He used to come home and usually spend most of the evening playing and reading in his room, wanting very little to do with us. But more and more, as the weeks have gone by, he is constantly coming near us when we are on the computer or watching TV and saying, "Mom-mom?" and wanting something or just wanting attention. He tries to communicate with us in his own way, so when he has your attention he will just babble. He tries to get us to play Blue's Clues with him, and will read to us. He talks a boatload, and I will admit that there are times where I am just shaking my head asking where this came from.

He still gets frustrated when you ask him a question he doesn't know how to answer. I am hoping that this will go away, and he will find some way to let people know that he doesn't know how to answer. I read that the ages that an autistic person makes the most progress is between 6 and 10 years of age. Alex will be 6 in September, so for the next four years we are hoping that his communication is where we see the most progress.

I have to keep reminding myself that we are doing the best we can with the resources available to us. And I think that everyone needs to understand that we will always make decisions based on what is best for Alex. They may not think it is what is best for him, but we know what is best for him. It is not our own selfish agendas that we make the decisions we do. We want to give him the maximum amount of opportunities so he can excel to his full potential.

Emergency Room Experience

I was laying in bed last night, organizing this post in my head so that I would be somewhat prepared when I finally sat down at the computer to write it this morning, and I found myself falling into complete disbelief that after everything, I am so completely happy with my life. I was laying next to someone that I look forward to spending the rest of my life with (because every day is an adventure with him too), and our child truly is the definition of amazing. I realized that for as much as everyone says they are proud of everything I do, they really should be proud of both Alex and Tony, because it is them that drive me to do what I do every day. I am a really lucky mommy, and an exceptionally lucky significant other.

With that being said, Alex had a pretty awesome 4th of July. We went over to Grandpa's house and played in the water, had a cook out, watched some fireworks, AND... Alex made a new friend. My cousin Ashlee, her husband Corey, and their children Ethan and "Kenny" (actually her name is Kennedy, but Ethan calls her "Kenny") came over, and Ethan had a lot of fun with Alex! Alex was teaching him how to jump on Grandpa and Grandma's bed, after being an awesome friend and helping him up on it of course, they smelled each other's feet to make sure they were stinky, and taught him how he fights with his dad. When Alex would take off to go get a drink or something to munch on, Ethan would be right behind him. It was very cute to see Alex play with Ethan, and they both had a great (and hopefully tiring for Ethan) day.

Then... Friday. As Alex and I were leaving so I could take him to Grandpa's house before work, Alex smashed his finger in our rather heavy front door. He freaked, and pulled his pinky finger nail right out. There was blood everywhere. I cleaned him up, put on a band-aid, and we went straight to Grandpa's house to put some gauze on it. I cleaned him up more there, and wrapped the gauze tightly around his poor, very bloody finger. I had to leave for work, for fear of being late, so I told my dad just to call me if anything happened.

All day at work, I sort of felt sick. I was worried about Alex, and I knew when I got home that I would find either one of two things: One, it would be better than it looked when I left, or two, a trip to the ER was in order. When I got home, the gauze was still white, so I took him home. But later that evening, when I went to put on some fresh stuff and bathe him, blood everywhere again. So Alex and I bolted to the emergency room.

With iPad and Green Bee in tow, we went to the Gundersen Lutheran ER, and we didn't have to wait long. I was worried that with it being so hot, it would have been busier, but thankfully it wasn't. We were seen quickly, and they put us in a room so the doctor could look at it. Alex had two really amazing nurses. They got him comfy, set him up and they took x-rays of his finger. He was laying on a gurney and cuddled with Green Bee after they hooked him up to an IV.

And even though there was some drunk outside, yelling like a lunatic, Alex did manage to get some rest.

Then, the doctor came in and explained to me that they had to put something under his cuticle in order to keep it open for the nail to regrow through. He also needed three stitches, because he gashed the outside of the finger. Since he had a snack before we went there, they couldn't put him completely out for the procedure, but they did give him some sort of relaxing agent and numbed up his finger. And as soon as the relaxing stuff took hold, Alex was out of it....

He didn't pay much attention when they were putting the thing under his cuticle, but when they started to do the stitching, then he became interested. They asked me if I was ok, and I told them that I was fine, that stuff like this doesn't bother me (I have seen enough blood in my day). When he wanted to watch, they asked if he would be ok, and I told them that he probably would be, but there was only one way to find out. He watched them stitch up his finger and thought it was awesome. When the doctor was done, they put a cool bandage around his little finger, and I told him he would have to show Grandpa the next day.

And that he did. I worked until 4 pm yesterday, then went to the gym. I was very tired, but I knew Alex was just as tired. When I got home, he was passed out on the couch. He slept for about 13 hours, and is now up and reading Dr. Seuss as I write this. When I wrote about this on Facebook, one of my friends complimented me about how I am teaching Alex to not panic in emergency situations, and I guess I didn't even think about that when it was happening. It is just naturally how I deal with things. But this started my brain thinking, and I had to laugh when I came to the conclusion that I felt guilty. Here I have this perfect little being, and I messed him up. Not like... completely and forever, but in my brain I thought to myself, "This is like getting a glass statue from a dying relative, and then an arm breaks off. It will never be the same, because now it has that scar." At the same time, though, that is what life is about: Getting scars. I have a very brave little boy here who was amazing in the emergency room. He even said good-bye to the cop that told him, "And remember, don't stick your finger in any more doors. I don't want to see you back here again..."

This was Alex's first major injury. He has had bumps and bruises and scratches before, but nothing of this caliber. As a parent, you just can't help but feel a little guilty when this happens. But in the end, they are stronger... which is your ultimate goal.

Busy Week Behind Us, Busy Week Ahead of Us!

This week was a busy one for this Mama, but Alex got to spend a good amount of quality time with Grandpa and Daddy. We were able to go to the school on Wednesday evening so Alex could play in the dirt. I am one of those strange parents that encourage him to play in the dirt and mud, and discover things. He took a picture of the grass (above), then one of himself. He missed me this week, and is very excited to spend time with just me today. We are going to make some slow cooker chicken and dumplings for supper, watch some movies, and then do his laundry.

I realized this morning that yes, Alex can read. He started reading me The Zax, and from my knowledge he hasn't been read that book enough to have it memorized. This makes me very excited, because he loves reading so much. He knows how to sound out the words, because he and I go through the "phonetic alphabet" often. I like being surprised by what my child knows. Every day he surprises me.

He is getting taller. Getting older. Getting smarter. I truly want to find things that are the best for him. But at the same time, my child has the amazing capability to make the best of anything. He doesn't really want much, he really could care less about a lot of materialistic things. He is very mature for his age, which I think is what makes it so difficult for him to interact with his peers sometimes.

Sorry this week's post isn't very long. I am still very tired from this past week. Hopefully I will have more fun stories and awesome pictures to share with you after the holiday week!