The Holidays

There are lots of pictures that go along with this post. So first, I will get my talking out of the way, and then we can see the great gifts Alex received for the holidays.

I read an article this week about a mom coming to terms with the fact that her child isn't going to learn things at the same pace as the other children around his age. I guess I just hadn't taken the time to focus on that aspect of our lives, I just accepted and added it to the list of things that went with Alex. But after reading this article and having an obscene amount of time on my hands (like I have never had before), I have taken the time to think about it... and I still don't care.

Here is what I care about: I care about him learning that learning things is fun, that we will never stop learning our whole lives, and that you can always work toward learning what you don't know. I find it sort of strange that we spend the first 18 or so years of our lives having information forced into our brains, then the rest of our lives we are not encouraged to keep learning. I have been told so many times, "It was your choice to go back to school", which is true, but at the same time, it shouldn't be looked down upon. However, it shouldn't be a competition either.

I accept my child completely for what he is, and what he isn't. The hardest part of school for him was being around the other children, but he is slowly getting better at it, and more tolerant of them. Now the hardest part for him is the concept of being tested on what he knows, because he doesn't get why it is happening. He will learn, though, that this is an essential part of any education: being tested on the knowledge that one gains.

I can't push my child to learn any faster than what he is comfortable with, and while he can soak up information like a sponge, getting him to realize that there is a certain way that school works... may take some time. He has already memorized his learning Spanish program on the iPad, he almost has the whole sign language application memorized, and he does really well with the academics part of Kindergarten. We are very proud of him, no matter what his grades say. We will take as long as it takes to work with him patiently to get him the skills and information he needs to become an independent man. He already does so well independently, so it is just growing and encouraging those skills, while not losing the concept how essential human relationships can be... that is our mission.

And now, pictures. Alex had a great holiday. He doesn't start school until the 2nd of January, and his break has been great with mommy (or at least I hope).

Hang on tight, Dad!

He can do it!

That's right, Grandpa and Grandma got him a pogo stick for Christmas. He can't do it on his own yet, but he does really well when Dad holds on. He really enjoyed showing off his pogo-ing skills to Uncle Erik and Aunt Bethanie when they stopped by on Christmas Eve.

Reading....

And playing!

Meanwhile, Aunt Amy and Uncle Andy got him a sort of combat set, that has a gun that makes gun noises, a watch, a plastic knife, a holster that hooks to his leg, a helmet with goggles and an ear piece. He is not ok with the helmet and earpiece, and his head is still too small for the goggles, but he really enjoys the rest of it. He was trying to play with everything he got, as much as possible that night (Christmas Eve), and would go to his books he received and read a bit, then play with his toys, then go back to the books.

Playing with the plane from Aunt Amy and Uncle Andy.

Then, on Christmas day, we went over to Grandpa and Grandma's house again to see Aunt Amy, and we made breakfast! Waffles (since waffle makers were a common theme this year), bacon, and eggs! Grandma was at work, but Grandpa really enjoyed the special breakfast!

So much deliciousness!

 Alex received some gift cards, and decided that candy was the way to go with them. He still has some money left, and we will take him to the book store so that he may get some new books. While he is like a kid in a candy store, I think he would much rather be a kid in a book store.

A whole-lot of yummy....

Grandpa and Grandma also gave him a train set that they have been saving for him since he was about 4 years old. He helped me put it together, and really enjoyed playing with it. He had to get down close to watch it zoom around the tracks, and liked switching it from going forward to reverse and watching it zoom backwards.

Trying to figure out how it works.

From Tony and I, he got a new book, and a couple of new movies. His favorite movie? Madagascar 3. He curls up with his favorite bees and really likes watching Alex the Lion.

Alex watching Alex the Lion.

So school starts again for him this week, and school starts for me again on the 14th of January. With the new year comes a whole boatload of changes for us. While it might be a bit scary looking ahead at them, as long as we go through them as a family, we will all come out the other side and it is important to us that Alex understands this.

I hope everyone who reads this has a great new year! We will see you on the other side!

Snow Days, Parties, and Being Well Behaved

I am not going to lie when I say that this week, I have felt like one of the luckiest moms on the face of this planet. Alex has had such good days this week, being so well behaved, doing as he is asked, and I really think that this all boils down to the fact that he knows Christmas is coming. I made him one of those Portable North Pole videos, which is basically a personalize message from Santa, and after he watched it... he has been an amazing kid. Thank you, Santa.

There are not very many pictures this week, mostly because Christmas is coming and I will probably have a boatload of them to choose from for that. However, Stacey was able to get this one at the graduation party yesterday for Bethanie and I. He was so good, all day, which ended up being about 9 hours of food, family, driving, sitting, and fun! He mostly stayed by Grandpa because he had not seen him in a couple of days due to the snow we got (the same snow that canceled the last two days of school before winter break!). I told him that Christmas Eve is tomorrow, so he can go over to Grandpa's house tomorrow afternoon and open presents, then again on Christmas day to open presents with Amy and Andy. He seemed ok with that, but really, who wouldn't be ok when there are presents involved?

A lot of people have posted stuff about Autistics and the holidays, and how stressful it can be on them. Here is what I have figured out: if you don't make it stressful on yourself, your child is more apt to be less stressed too. Ask yourself, "do I really need to drag my child to that party?" or "how much is too much for them?". For Alex, he likes to have his own space to open presents, he likes it when people are laughing and having a good time, as long as they do not get too rowdy. I have to keep thinking to myself, "what would this little old man want to do?" and it works. Also, if we are going to a new place (like for the graduation party), making sure he has some things that comfort him are good. He was able to lay down on the carpeted floor and play iPad, he had Grandpa right there, and he always had me in sight. Keeping the environment calming, even with the excitement, is hard, but it is doable.

I have found that not many things are written about keeping weddings comfortable for Autistics. So here is one of very few things. Mostly, what I have found, are brides complaining because they HAVE TO have an autistic in their wedding, or it is people saying that "you don't have to invite those people who have special needs, they will understand". This not only makes me angry, but makes me want to make our wedding so VASTLY unlike those stuck up people. Lily, one of my bridesmaids, said it best when she replied to my rant that these people complaining "are the same people who wouldn't have formed meaningful friendships with them anyway", saying this in regards to any person with sort of dis-or different-ability.

Here is what I have found to make things easier on my autistic, the day that Mom and Dad get married:
1. The music does not have to make the building shake. Loud music makes it hard for those who just want to have a good time talking unable to do so.
2. People don't need to have free alcohol so they drink until they become annoyingly drunk. Annoying drunk people do stupid things which can be avoided by not letting them get drunk easily in the first place.
3. Let the kids be kids. We have a child. A pair of our friends have 6 kids. By making this a party where both the young and old can go and have a good time, there are bound to be less glassware broken.
4. The day is not all about you. I think this is a selfish concept, because I am not the only one who has gotten myself to where I am at now. Not to mention, this day should be about Tony, Alex, and myself. Allowing a bride to think this selfish concept is just asking for a bridezilla to be formed. I don't care if you have been thinking about this day your whole life.
5. This day is not going to be perfect, and wanting it to be is just going to stress me out which will in turn, stress Alex out. It will be fun, and that is all I want it to be.
6. Accept people who are different. I don't care if they are rich, poor, young, old, or whatever. Each person is what makes this whole wedding thing unique, because they make YOUR LIFE unique. Alex will be presented with a necklace when Tony and I exchange rings. This shows him that he is a part of what we are becoming to each other. Everyone deserves the right to feel as though they are part of a special day if they are in your life.
7. Don't whine. Its irritating to those working with you on what is supposed to be the happiest day. And most of the time, Autistics don't like it and makes them frustrated.

I guess I mostly get frustrated at the idea that when a woman becomes "a bride", its like she is no longer able to understand basic human decency. This makes me sad, but also makes me realize that I am totally different from all of this. And I am, most importantly, so appreciative of everything anyone has ever done for me.

Back to Alex. His teacher sent home a "book bag" that has a coconut tree, velcro letters, and the two "Chicka-Chicka" books, and this thing is just making the break so awesome! He plays with it every day, making words, matching the letters to the book, counting, and yelling at kitties when they knock down the tree.

Putting the letters in order...

Putting them on the coconut tree!

He has also been practicing counting to 100, and I even got a video of it so his teacher could see.

We did a bunch of grocery shopping on Friday, and even with the store being so busy, he was so helpful. I don't care how mad that lady was behind us in the check-out line, Alex wanted to put all of the stuff on to the  belt, one thing at a time, so the cashier could keep up. He sat with me while we were waiting at the pharmacy, then I took him to lunch for being so good. I think he is starting to realize that he just has to let us know when he needs something or is uncomfortable, and we will make the situation easier on him. Letting him be himself, no matter what, is really important to me. Which reminds me:

Dear Old Lady Who Was In The Soup Isle With Us When We Finished Our Shopping List-
We are sorry if our jubilation over finishing getting everything on our shopping list scared you. It was sudden, we know this, and if you had to check your pants after this we are very sorry. But it was a really long list, and we did a really good job of putting stuff in the cart. You had to be there to understand I guess.
Sincerely,
Mom-mom and Alex

Tragedy and Triumphs

What an eventful week in the Greene Household! Since I don't want to leave this post with a heavy feeling, I will address the serious stuff first, then the fun stuff at the end.

This week, something terrible happened in Connecticut  and unless you live under a rock, you know what I am talking about. This tragedy was something that, when I learned of it, I knew I would have to talk to Alex about. Not only were these his peers, but it was in a setting much like his own favorite place to be: School. Parents might ask me why I would ever want to talk to my child about this, and it is because of my open communication with him that we have such a good relationship. I don't lie about things, but I also did not go into gory detail.

How I explained to him what happened was this: I told him this man that did this, was nothing more than an extremely violent bully. We can't let bullies scare us from doing anything we want to in life, including going to school. I told him that some kids his age were not going to be coming home from school today, but the adults at the school did everything they could to protect them, just like the adults at his school do everything to protect him and the other students.

I am not letting him look at Facebook with me for a while, just because of all of the posts about it. While I think one post saying that your thoughts are with the family is ok, multiple postings about it (even pictures throwing in religious or political beliefs, showing pictures of the gunman or looking him up) is just going too far to me. Multiple exposures like that only incite more fear and anger, and give fame to someone who really doesn't deserve it.

Hopping off of my soap box, here are some Alex pictures!

Playing in the snow: One of his favorite things!

Making shapes!

iPad station, undoubtedly his favorite station!

Making his own artwork!

This week they did a BOATLOAD of things! They learned about Hanukkah  Christmas in Germany, and they had their Holiday Concert! The Holiday concert was a success for Alex because he did both afternoon and evening concerts, he sang with the whole school for the finale in the afternoon concert, and didn't even mind that I took a video of him! He did feel the need, however, when I took a picture of him, to make a funny face, which showed how comfortable he was with his friends up there! He danced, sang, and went to bed one really tired little boy.

We also went to see the Rotary Lights, which Alex loved. He liked the part where the lights matched the music playing, and was turning his head every which way to try and take in everything. This was another night where he came home, and was extremely tired.

Then Saturday. A few major things happened on Saturday, that are all really good things for our family.

I walked across the stage and received my undergrad degree, my Bachelors of Science degree, and could not be happier about this 4 1/2 year journey! Alex wasn't feeling the greatest (after a very busy week), so he stayed with my friend Shaynan at Grandpa's house. And since this happened, I got this:

Tony even asked Alex if he could give it to me, and of course Alex was all for it. So this morning, I sat with Alex and explained to him what this means, why it is exciting, and that there will be a party for it! I explained to him that this means that Tony's family and our family are going to be connected through us, and he will have a whole new side of family. I am so lucky to have Tony and Alex in my life. I also explained to him that this means that I am going to find a job, and start planning the big party.

I have already been accepted to the University of Florida for their online Forensic Science Masters program. The technical name is Masters of Pharmaceutical Science, Forensic Science Concentration. I am also getting a certificate in Forensic Toxicology, just to spice things up a bit.

Alex had a great week. Our whole little family had a great week! This next week will be a bit less hectic, give me time to hopefully slow down for the first time in 4+ years, and then we will be getting ready for Christmas. Alex cannot wait for Christmas!

Friend of the Week

This week was quite exciting for Alexzander! He was not just friend of the week, but he also was doing an amazing job in taking part in their Diwali party. Diwali is the Hindu "Festival of Lights", and the Kindergartners made vases with flowers in them, made rangoli patterns, and even had lunch by candlelight!

They also had a "Great Mustache Mystery", where someone was putting mustaches all around the school, even on the paintings they made of themselves! What was great about this is they all had mustaches on their own faces to help solve the mystery like real detectives. Alex, since everyone else had mustaches on their faces, was ok with one being on his, however he wouldn't let the teacher take a picture! She had this to say about it:

"Hey you will NEVER believe this ... Alex let me put a mustache on his face!! He thought it was so funny when everyone had one and he let me ... but I couldn't get a picture! I tried so hard but he always knew when I had my camera. He has had a great week being Friend of the Week. Plus, I have been able to be the one to "make" him follow directions so that has been helpful in him knowing he has to listen to me as well."

Alex had a great time being friend of the week, even though he was so tired by the end of it! Today we are winding down a bit (well, not really me, I have housework to do and a Biochemistry final to study for), and he is watching movies and loving that it is finally snowing here! He has been waiting and waiting for it to snow and stick to the ground. He doesn't get to go outside today, because he has a bit of a cold he is trying to get over. 

He has been a lot of help wrapping presents this week, getting ready for Christmas, and we have had very few meltdowns. I think with all of the excitement surrounding the upcoming holidays, my graduation, and me explaining to him about Dad and I getting engaged (and explaining what that means), he has no reason to not be happy and knows it. 

I did explain to him that a lot of changes are coming. He does ok for the most part with change as long as there is just not a lot of it at once. Slight changes to his routine or life in general are met with a little bit of hesitation, but as long as we make changes out to be positive things he likes them. 

We cannot be more proud of Alex. He is doing so well all the time in Kindergarten, and loves it a lot. Even right now he is singing a song he learned in Kindergarten. I am looking forward to the next 6 months that I will have free (except for a job that I must find) to spend more time with him. 

Making New Friends

Alex had a pretty great week. There is no other way to say it. He had a great few days at school, but since I had my surgery on Friday, he stayed with Grandpa and Grandma all day.

At school, they are preparing for a party they are having next week by making paper mache things. I was quite surprised that Alex took to this gooey task like a champ! He is also Friend of the Week next week, which means he will be bringing in his favorite book, "Sneetches", to share with his class.

This week I also got a great update from his teacher about the progress he is making with her. Instead of a summary, I will just copy/paste the message here:

"... the other day Alex shared his journal and he sat in my lap to share it! .. the other kids like to do that and he obviously did what they did but not everyone sits with me so I thought it was really special that he was comfortable enough to do that! ... and that very same day he gave me a hug goodbye as the bus kids were leaving. I was by the door (as I often am) and lots of the kids give me a hug and he did the same! Anyway, I thought that was pretty cool! As you know, we all love to celebrate his growing in a variety of ways!"

I am glad that he is starting to show how much he trusts her by showing her it is ok for them to touch. I think this is how he gets across trust with people, by showing them that they can touch him or hug him and if he is ok with it, he trusts them. This was a victory not just for Mrs. Harger, but for Alex as well, because he is learning how important it is to have a good relationship with your teacher.

Since I have been in quite a bit of pain from my surgery, Alex was able to go over to Aunt Amy and Uncle Andy's house yesterday into today (Saturday into Sunday). He had SO MUCH FUN! They went up to visit some of Andy's family, and Alex made a new friend named Lauren. They apparently chased after each other, played with Nerf guns, went to the store, watched a movie, and all sorts of other guy stuff. The only picture Amy could get was one of them having a "tickle fight":

Yup. That's our Alex, being tickled by Lauren. He had to give Lauren the typical "let me get used to you" time, just checking him out, then once they were friends, they were INSTANT friends. I am so glad that while I was laid up, Alex was able to have a blast.

Now I have to go back to cuddling with my favorite nurse ever. He periodically checks my belly button, proclaims that my belly button still has an owie, and gives me a hug and kiss. That is the best medicine ever.