I know this post is a little late, but I have been thinking about what I am about to write a lot, and while it does anger me to no end, I feel as though I have to present it as coolly and calmly as possible.
When a person who loves someone with Autism says they hope that there is a cure found, its rude. While there are days that I wish things were easier with Alex, most days I am so unbelievably happy that he is who he is. I have, for my son, what is called unconditional love, meaning I don't want him some other way, I like him just the way he is. I don't wish for change. If I were offered some magic pill tomorrow that could "cure" him, I wouldn't take it. Both Tony and I love Alex just the way he is. It is not cruelty to him, but rather it is just one of life's many lessons that he has learned earlier than other kids his age: Things are not easy. Life is not easy. To me, it is like the crazy people who think that they can "cure gays". No. You can't. It is who they are. And it is what makes them fabulous. I want to know what made Alex this way. What happens, why it happens, and when it happens.
When I see someone say that "God intended this", I shake my head. People use that for so many different things, it sort of gives us Atheists whiplash. It makes no sense. Alex is different, and we don't know how this happened, but science will figure it out sooner or later. Just because there is not yet an explanation doesn't mean that we should just chalk it up to some fairy tale creature and call it a day. I fight to make the unknown known, because I am a scientist. I am not just a "roll over and take it" kind of person. I call shenanigans on the "God has blessed them with this" as opposed to when a Christian hates you, it is "You are being punished through your child for your sins" thing. I understand that sometimes people need something to rely on for hope and answers, but to me, religion is just not an acceptable route. Things are far more complicated than that. One never found the why behind things by just sticking their nose in a 4,000 year old book, not understanding what the words meant at the time, and thinking it is the answer to everything.
These are the sort of people that you come into contact with in the autism community. We support each other in the struggles, but we also don't put up with people from the outside attacking. A prime example is Jenny McCarthy. I have made my distaste for her well known on my blog, and after posting a picture of her as being a "Strong Female Supporter" of Autism Awareness, one of the Facebook pages that I liked lost a lot of people. Many autism parents hate her because of the lies she has spread about Autism, and what she has even gone so far as to say about the parents of Autistic children. So yes, my loathing is justified. This is just an example of what the Autism community does to protect one another from this negativity and hate.
I think, after asking around a bit, I know what I am going to do in regards of awareness of Autism and how to treat Alex at the wedding reception. I asked Stacey, and asked online groups, and have come up with an idea. To let those who are unfamiliar with Alex know "The Rules of Alex Operation", we are going to make cards for the tables saying that all the money that would have been used for wedding favors has been donated to an Autism Awareness group, and here is what they need to know about Autistics. My major concern is the touch, because Alex is not a fan of people touching him that he is not familiar with. Beyond that, I would like Tony's family (some of whom have not met Alex and I) to know that he is not being disrespectful when he doesn't talk back or even acknowledge their presence, it is just who he is. He knows they are there, he is aware of everything in the room. But he needs to stay focused in order to have a good time. I am hoping that with this, Alex has a good time at a party that is just as much his as it is ours, and that Tony's family and my own family can come together to appreciate how awesome and different our little family is.
In three weeks, it will be Autism Awareness month. During that time, rather than focus on finding a "cure", I think that people should focus on how Autism really makes us realize that some of us are just different. Celebrate differences instead of insulting them. On April 2nd, I ask that any of you out there who wish to support Autism Awareness wear blue, and support those 1 in 88 who see the world differently. I am trying to come up with a good idea to submit to Alex's teacher, asking if I can come in and do an activity with Alex's class (I was thinking puzzle piece cookies, that they would get to decorate to show that "Not all cookies are the same, so why should we be?"). They are a great group of kids who support Alex every day, and I guess I want this to be a way to educate them a bit, while also saying thank you for being so awesome.
I will keep thinking about it, and hopefully I will have an idea by the end of this week.
So lets see... I have probably ticked off a lot of people because I have come out as an atheist in this post (and it is often confusing to a lot of people how a parent to a special needs child has the inability to believe in God), I reiterated and gave an reason for my hatred of Jenny McCarthy, and I pretty much described the Autism Community as a motorcycle gang (that would be totally awesome if we were). Oh, and I cannot forget how I also noted that those who "love" an autistic but are hoping for a "cure" for them, really do not love them unconditionally. I promise next week's post will be a lot less deep and it will have pictures again.
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