Snow Days, Parties, and Being Well Behaved

I am not going to lie when I say that this week, I have felt like one of the luckiest moms on the face of this planet. Alex has had such good days this week, being so well behaved, doing as he is asked, and I really think that this all boils down to the fact that he knows Christmas is coming. I made him one of those Portable North Pole videos, which is basically a personalize message from Santa, and after he watched it... he has been an amazing kid. Thank you, Santa.

There are not very many pictures this week, mostly because Christmas is coming and I will probably have a boatload of them to choose from for that. However, Stacey was able to get this one at the graduation party yesterday for Bethanie and I. He was so good, all day, which ended up being about 9 hours of food, family, driving, sitting, and fun! He mostly stayed by Grandpa because he had not seen him in a couple of days due to the snow we got (the same snow that canceled the last two days of school before winter break!). I told him that Christmas Eve is tomorrow, so he can go over to Grandpa's house tomorrow afternoon and open presents, then again on Christmas day to open presents with Amy and Andy. He seemed ok with that, but really, who wouldn't be ok when there are presents involved?

A lot of people have posted stuff about Autistics and the holidays, and how stressful it can be on them. Here is what I have figured out: if you don't make it stressful on yourself, your child is more apt to be less stressed too. Ask yourself, "do I really need to drag my child to that party?" or "how much is too much for them?". For Alex, he likes to have his own space to open presents, he likes it when people are laughing and having a good time, as long as they do not get too rowdy. I have to keep thinking to myself, "what would this little old man want to do?" and it works. Also, if we are going to a new place (like for the graduation party), making sure he has some things that comfort him are good. He was able to lay down on the carpeted floor and play iPad, he had Grandpa right there, and he always had me in sight. Keeping the environment calming, even with the excitement, is hard, but it is doable.

I have found that not many things are written about keeping weddings comfortable for Autistics. So here is one of very few things. Mostly, what I have found, are brides complaining because they HAVE TO have an autistic in their wedding, or it is people saying that "you don't have to invite those people who have special needs, they will understand". This not only makes me angry, but makes me want to make our wedding so VASTLY unlike those stuck up people. Lily, one of my bridesmaids, said it best when she replied to my rant that these people complaining "are the same people who wouldn't have formed meaningful friendships with them anyway", saying this in regards to any person with sort of dis-or different-ability.

Here is what I have found to make things easier on my autistic, the day that Mom and Dad get married:
1. The music does not have to make the building shake. Loud music makes it hard for those who just want to have a good time talking unable to do so.
2. People don't need to have free alcohol so they drink until they become annoyingly drunk. Annoying drunk people do stupid things which can be avoided by not letting them get drunk easily in the first place.
3. Let the kids be kids. We have a child. A pair of our friends have 6 kids. By making this a party where both the young and old can go and have a good time, there are bound to be less glassware broken.
4. The day is not all about you. I think this is a selfish concept, because I am not the only one who has gotten myself to where I am at now. Not to mention, this day should be about Tony, Alex, and myself. Allowing a bride to think this selfish concept is just asking for a bridezilla to be formed. I don't care if you have been thinking about this day your whole life.
5. This day is not going to be perfect, and wanting it to be is just going to stress me out which will in turn, stress Alex out. It will be fun, and that is all I want it to be.
6. Accept people who are different. I don't care if they are rich, poor, young, old, or whatever. Each person is what makes this whole wedding thing unique, because they make YOUR LIFE unique. Alex will be presented with a necklace when Tony and I exchange rings. This shows him that he is a part of what we are becoming to each other. Everyone deserves the right to feel as though they are part of a special day if they are in your life.
7. Don't whine. Its irritating to those working with you on what is supposed to be the happiest day. And most of the time, Autistics don't like it and makes them frustrated.

I guess I mostly get frustrated at the idea that when a woman becomes "a bride", its like she is no longer able to understand basic human decency. This makes me sad, but also makes me realize that I am totally different from all of this. And I am, most importantly, so appreciative of everything anyone has ever done for me.

Back to Alex. His teacher sent home a "book bag" that has a coconut tree, velcro letters, and the two "Chicka-Chicka" books, and this thing is just making the break so awesome! He plays with it every day, making words, matching the letters to the book, counting, and yelling at kitties when they knock down the tree.

Putting the letters in order...

Putting them on the coconut tree!

He has also been practicing counting to 100, and I even got a video of it so his teacher could see.

We did a bunch of grocery shopping on Friday, and even with the store being so busy, he was so helpful. I don't care how mad that lady was behind us in the check-out line, Alex wanted to put all of the stuff on to the  belt, one thing at a time, so the cashier could keep up. He sat with me while we were waiting at the pharmacy, then I took him to lunch for being so good. I think he is starting to realize that he just has to let us know when he needs something or is uncomfortable, and we will make the situation easier on him. Letting him be himself, no matter what, is really important to me. Which reminds me:

Dear Old Lady Who Was In The Soup Isle With Us When We Finished Our Shopping List-
We are sorry if our jubilation over finishing getting everything on our shopping list scared you. It was sudden, we know this, and if you had to check your pants after this we are very sorry. But it was a really long list, and we did a really good job of putting stuff in the cart. You had to be there to understand I guess.
Sincerely,
Mom-mom and Alex

Tragedy and Triumphs

What an eventful week in the Greene Household! Since I don't want to leave this post with a heavy feeling, I will address the serious stuff first, then the fun stuff at the end.

This week, something terrible happened in Connecticut  and unless you live under a rock, you know what I am talking about. This tragedy was something that, when I learned of it, I knew I would have to talk to Alex about. Not only were these his peers, but it was in a setting much like his own favorite place to be: School. Parents might ask me why I would ever want to talk to my child about this, and it is because of my open communication with him that we have such a good relationship. I don't lie about things, but I also did not go into gory detail.

How I explained to him what happened was this: I told him this man that did this, was nothing more than an extremely violent bully. We can't let bullies scare us from doing anything we want to in life, including going to school. I told him that some kids his age were not going to be coming home from school today, but the adults at the school did everything they could to protect them, just like the adults at his school do everything to protect him and the other students.

I am not letting him look at Facebook with me for a while, just because of all of the posts about it. While I think one post saying that your thoughts are with the family is ok, multiple postings about it (even pictures throwing in religious or political beliefs, showing pictures of the gunman or looking him up) is just going too far to me. Multiple exposures like that only incite more fear and anger, and give fame to someone who really doesn't deserve it.

Hopping off of my soap box, here are some Alex pictures!

Playing in the snow: One of his favorite things!

Making shapes!

iPad station, undoubtedly his favorite station!

Making his own artwork!

This week they did a BOATLOAD of things! They learned about Hanukkah  Christmas in Germany, and they had their Holiday Concert! The Holiday concert was a success for Alex because he did both afternoon and evening concerts, he sang with the whole school for the finale in the afternoon concert, and didn't even mind that I took a video of him! He did feel the need, however, when I took a picture of him, to make a funny face, which showed how comfortable he was with his friends up there! He danced, sang, and went to bed one really tired little boy.

We also went to see the Rotary Lights, which Alex loved. He liked the part where the lights matched the music playing, and was turning his head every which way to try and take in everything. This was another night where he came home, and was extremely tired.

Then Saturday. A few major things happened on Saturday, that are all really good things for our family.

I walked across the stage and received my undergrad degree, my Bachelors of Science degree, and could not be happier about this 4 1/2 year journey! Alex wasn't feeling the greatest (after a very busy week), so he stayed with my friend Shaynan at Grandpa's house. And since this happened, I got this:

Tony even asked Alex if he could give it to me, and of course Alex was all for it. So this morning, I sat with Alex and explained to him what this means, why it is exciting, and that there will be a party for it! I explained to him that this means that Tony's family and our family are going to be connected through us, and he will have a whole new side of family. I am so lucky to have Tony and Alex in my life. I also explained to him that this means that I am going to find a job, and start planning the big party.

I have already been accepted to the University of Florida for their online Forensic Science Masters program. The technical name is Masters of Pharmaceutical Science, Forensic Science Concentration. I am also getting a certificate in Forensic Toxicology, just to spice things up a bit.

Alex had a great week. Our whole little family had a great week! This next week will be a bit less hectic, give me time to hopefully slow down for the first time in 4+ years, and then we will be getting ready for Christmas. Alex cannot wait for Christmas!

Friend of the Week

This week was quite exciting for Alexzander! He was not just friend of the week, but he also was doing an amazing job in taking part in their Diwali party. Diwali is the Hindu "Festival of Lights", and the Kindergartners made vases with flowers in them, made rangoli patterns, and even had lunch by candlelight!

They also had a "Great Mustache Mystery", where someone was putting mustaches all around the school, even on the paintings they made of themselves! What was great about this is they all had mustaches on their own faces to help solve the mystery like real detectives. Alex, since everyone else had mustaches on their faces, was ok with one being on his, however he wouldn't let the teacher take a picture! She had this to say about it:

"Hey you will NEVER believe this ... Alex let me put a mustache on his face!! He thought it was so funny when everyone had one and he let me ... but I couldn't get a picture! I tried so hard but he always knew when I had my camera. He has had a great week being Friend of the Week. Plus, I have been able to be the one to "make" him follow directions so that has been helpful in him knowing he has to listen to me as well."

Alex had a great time being friend of the week, even though he was so tired by the end of it! Today we are winding down a bit (well, not really me, I have housework to do and a Biochemistry final to study for), and he is watching movies and loving that it is finally snowing here! He has been waiting and waiting for it to snow and stick to the ground. He doesn't get to go outside today, because he has a bit of a cold he is trying to get over. 

He has been a lot of help wrapping presents this week, getting ready for Christmas, and we have had very few meltdowns. I think with all of the excitement surrounding the upcoming holidays, my graduation, and me explaining to him about Dad and I getting engaged (and explaining what that means), he has no reason to not be happy and knows it. 

I did explain to him that a lot of changes are coming. He does ok for the most part with change as long as there is just not a lot of it at once. Slight changes to his routine or life in general are met with a little bit of hesitation, but as long as we make changes out to be positive things he likes them. 

We cannot be more proud of Alex. He is doing so well all the time in Kindergarten, and loves it a lot. Even right now he is singing a song he learned in Kindergarten. I am looking forward to the next 6 months that I will have free (except for a job that I must find) to spend more time with him. 

Making New Friends

Alex had a pretty great week. There is no other way to say it. He had a great few days at school, but since I had my surgery on Friday, he stayed with Grandpa and Grandma all day.

At school, they are preparing for a party they are having next week by making paper mache things. I was quite surprised that Alex took to this gooey task like a champ! He is also Friend of the Week next week, which means he will be bringing in his favorite book, "Sneetches", to share with his class.

This week I also got a great update from his teacher about the progress he is making with her. Instead of a summary, I will just copy/paste the message here:

"... the other day Alex shared his journal and he sat in my lap to share it! .. the other kids like to do that and he obviously did what they did but not everyone sits with me so I thought it was really special that he was comfortable enough to do that! ... and that very same day he gave me a hug goodbye as the bus kids were leaving. I was by the door (as I often am) and lots of the kids give me a hug and he did the same! Anyway, I thought that was pretty cool! As you know, we all love to celebrate his growing in a variety of ways!"

I am glad that he is starting to show how much he trusts her by showing her it is ok for them to touch. I think this is how he gets across trust with people, by showing them that they can touch him or hug him and if he is ok with it, he trusts them. This was a victory not just for Mrs. Harger, but for Alex as well, because he is learning how important it is to have a good relationship with your teacher.

Since I have been in quite a bit of pain from my surgery, Alex was able to go over to Aunt Amy and Uncle Andy's house yesterday into today (Saturday into Sunday). He had SO MUCH FUN! They went up to visit some of Andy's family, and Alex made a new friend named Lauren. They apparently chased after each other, played with Nerf guns, went to the store, watched a movie, and all sorts of other guy stuff. The only picture Amy could get was one of them having a "tickle fight":

Yup. That's our Alex, being tickled by Lauren. He had to give Lauren the typical "let me get used to you" time, just checking him out, then once they were friends, they were INSTANT friends. I am so glad that while I was laid up, Alex was able to have a blast.

Now I have to go back to cuddling with my favorite nurse ever. He periodically checks my belly button, proclaims that my belly button still has an owie, and gives me a hug and kiss. That is the best medicine ever. 

Thanksgiving

Alex is seriously excited about seeing it snow. He cannot wait for it to come down and finally stick so he and Mom can go outside and sled. He loves snow. He loves the holidays. He has been practicing "Santa Clause is Coming to Town" all day.

And Thanksgiving has barely passed.

Alex was sick on Tuesday, so he was able to spend the day with Dad since he also had off that day. What amazing thing happened with the two of them? Dad taught Alex how to love Will Ferrell. They watched the movie Elf, and Alex loves it. We have had to watch it so many times since then that Dad went out and found another holiday movie for Alex to watch: The Polar Express. He is definitely getting into the holiday spirit!

On Friday, Aunt Bethanie came over with her friend Kelli, and Uncle Erik spent four days here. Alex has been one busy kid! On Thanksgiving he was able to spend some time with his cousins (which always tires him out, because the babies LOVE chasing Alex around Grandpa and Grandma's house), and he had a great time. He likes seeing family now, which is different from before because all of the people would make him feel overwhelmed and overstimulated. But now, he loves getting together with the whole family, and even taking silly pictures!

I think it has been great for him being able to just relax over this extended break. He had an ok week at school, but it was pretty easy to tell that he was not feeling the greatest. Today, though, he is acting as though he feels a lot better, and he is even running around pretending to interview people (just Dad and I). And I just cannot get over how much he is looking forward to the holidays. We haven't been able to go through his room and clean out his toys yet, but I will get there sometime this week. Its not like it is a big job, but it is one of those things that gets me emotionally. A lot of things have memories, but at the same time I know it is important to give them to others since they are not being used to let them have memories. And it is just stuff. I have made a point in my life to not be defined by stuff, rather, the people I have in it. This is just one of the many things that I want to be able to pass on to Alex.

This week, I am giving my presentation in my English class about my research around Alex and him acquiring language. I am nervous, but at the same time I am excited. I have been lucky to be a part of something so awesome as teaching a child how to speak, and not just letting them figure it out on their own. Although he may never have a firm grasp on language, he is gaining intelligence from it, even if he doesn't have the words to describe what he is learning. I have thought about finding him some apps for his iPad that get him into learning other languages, like Sign Language, maybe even Spanish (since he has already picked up a few words from watching Dora, and I think it will be yet another thing that Aunt Bethanie can be proud of him for). I even found him an app for learning how to tie his shoes.  

I am not sure if I will be able to post anything next week, considering I will be having surgery on Friday. I will try to get up on Sunday and do it though. I have to go to school both Monday and Tuesday, so I know I will be tired out, but its the end of the semester and I really cannot afford to miss anything. Two days of doing nothing will hopefully be enough (even though the surgeon said I needed three). It will be hard on Alex because I won't be able to pick him up or even bug him like normal for a little while, but based on how he has been around me before when I have been laid up, he will be an excellent nurse.

Hope you all have a great week!

50 Days in School

Thanksgiving is just around the corner, and this week has been full of ups and downs for our dear Alexzander without me bringing up the fact that Thanksgiving time is when we go through his toys and get rid of the ones he doesn't play with.

And let me say, I am SO THANKFUL for the Communication Notebook that Mrs. G has, because I don't think I would be able to remember everything that happens in Alex's week. I may not be able to write in it all the time because of my brain being so fried from homework and research, but it is possibly the best thing that I see in his bookbag every day.

On Monday, it snowed, and Alex loved that. He is a little mad that it didn't stick around, because then he knows that I am going to take him outside to pull him around on the sled again this winter. But I told him that it was coming because this is Wisconsin, and mom doesn't like being cold. So of course it is going to snow. And with snow, comes the music concert at school, which Alex really likes preparing for in music class. I see that the love of singing has definitely passed from mother to child.

Wednesday, however, was not a good day. He hurt another friend during recess, and he did say he was sorry, but I don't think he forgave himself for it. The rest of that day was rough on him. We talked about it when he got home, and I asked him why he kicked his friend, because Alex wouldn't do that for no reason. Of course, he didn't tell me, didn't want to talk about it. But I told him if he was touching him or making fun of him, to tell a teacher.

Which is where I am having a slight problem. I want Alex to be able to stand up for himself, to stand up to bullies. He doesn't have the words yet for that. I do want him to know he can tell adults when he is having trouble with another student, but I am afraid that if later, nothing comes of him telling adults, then what? I mean, I know the school system is not perfect, and often bullied students fall through the cracks. But then again, if anyone knows his Dad, then they really would be stupid to mess with him.

Thursday was their 50th day of school party, and it looks like Alex had a lot of fun!

Not sure which one of the other students she is, but apparently Alex likes her! This is good. I am glad he is making friends, let alone ones that he actually lets touch him! Their theme was The 50's, but Alex detested having his pant legs rolled up, even just a little bit. They had their party with the 1st Graders, which is good that Alex is exposed to the older kids as well.

Friday Alex had a good day again, I got home his quarterly report on his progress toward his yearly goals, but in the afternoon he was obviously tired from all of the fun they had this week. He has sufficient progress towards almost all of his goals, including him being able to name objects and actions when looking at stores, following his picture schedule, complying with directions, and even does the warm up exercises in physical education. But he was listed as having minimal progress of using verbal cues from the teacher when she is teaching them a new activity in phy ed, but he will attempt an activity after watching the other children preform the tasks required. He is making great progress toward his yearly goals already, and the school year is only about a quarter of the way done.

I went out with my best friend yesterday, Alex's Aunt/Godmama Bill. During our hours of talking, Alex came up numerous times, and she told me that she is so proud of him, and he is getting so big. I thought about it, and while working on his paper that I am writing for one of my classes, I have figured out that I think I have nothing to do with it. Alex is starting to get so close to Dad, and even though he still loves me, I think that he is starting to love Dad just as much, and realizing it. I now know what my mother has put up with in regards to how much Alex loves (and often prefers) Grandpa. I watch how Alex is when Dad is home, and then when he leaves for work he is sort of lost for a little bit. He still likes doing things with me, but I think that a part of him wishes Dad could be home, because Mom is kind of boring. While I was with Bill yesterday, Dad introduced Alex to the movie Elf, and Alex really likes it. He is watching it as I am writing this, and waiting for me to come back to cuddle.

A part of me is so proud of how Alex is growing up, and another part of me is so sad that my little boy isn't so little anymore. I am sure that all parents go through this, but I guess with my future chances of having children being so unknown, it makes me a little more sad. But I will never regret having Alex, even if the circumstances were far from ideal. He is truly amazing.

Rainy Day

I have an obscene amount of things that I need to get done for school, but I think that writing this week's entry on this rainy day will possibly help me find the motivation I need to accomplish at least some of the tasks I have set for myself today. There are not as many pictures this week, because we had a rather busy week. On Wednesday, Alex went to the dentist an it was a little rough on him, but the dentist was able to look at his teeth and saw they are just as perfect as they were last time, so he is good for the next six months.

Thursday was sort of a rough day for Alex. Its not often anymore that he has bad days at school, so I think he really just uses them as a way to communicate with us. I think Thursday was rough on him because we disrupted his natural order on Wednesday by taking him to the dentist, where he did not have the best time ever. But he bounced back on Friday, and had another good day, because the Veterans came and he got a flag.

On Tuesday, since it was Election day, they did something at school that I thought was so completely adorable: They voted for their favorite snack.

Then, after voting at school, Alex went with me to vote. He sat there while I was doing my thing, and he read Sneetches to the little old ladies who were sitting behind the desk. They thought he was so cute. I promised that he could have my sticker that says, "I VOTED", but our voting place didn't have any. So I took him to get some chocolate milk instead.

I think that, even though he is only 6 years old, it is important to explain to him why I do the things I do, and keep an open line of communication with him. I explained to him about voting for who I would like to see be the President, who I wanted our community officials to be, and even if he doesn't understand how big of a thing this is now, he will later when he is more grown up.

One of the best things he did at school this week is take part in Musical Chairs. There is a great picture that his teacher took of him sitting in a chair with two friends on his lap, and he has a HUGE smile on his face. He didn't want to take part right away, he had to watch at first to figure out what they were doing. But once he got it, he really enjoyed it! This, of course, is how he tackles almost every new thing that comes his way. Do I think that is a set back for him? Not really. He doesn't dive head first into things, he prefers to watch to see how it is done before doing things. Shows that he is somewhat cautious when it comes to interacting, which means he is thinking about it a lot.

The weather will be getting colder this week, and Dad and I went out to get him new snow pants (since he grew out of the ones last year) and new snow boots (same problem). He loves his new boots because they are green, his favorite color. Today he is just happy looking out the window at the rain falling, and eating his favorite snack: Cheese Crackers.

I am going through all of the information that I have collected from the last two and a half years, and compiling them into a research paper to show my understanding of Language Acquisition in Autistics. I found that last night, while the house was quiet and I was typing away, I would tear up a little bit thinking about everything that we have been through as a family. Alex would not be who he is today without awesome peers, amazing staff at his school, and his family. Whether people see it or not, encouragement goes a long way with him.  We have had our rough stuff, but we do our best. I am putting together the power point presentation that I will present to my class at the end of the semester, and I am wondering if I will start crying in the middle of it. Not because I am sad, but because I am so proud. Once I get it all together, I will put highlights up on here, and share what my conclusions I have after 2 1/2 years of being an Autistic's Mommy.