End of Summer Coming Closer

I had some time this afternoon to stop and get Alex's school supply shopping done so that I am not in a rush to do it later. Besides, we have my school supplies that I need to think about too, so I don't want to be in a financial crunch later because I put off buying things when I could. The only thing I have left to get him is his clothing and shoes for school, but I figure I can wait until a little bit closer to the time so any growing that he does before the end of summer will not leave me with another pile of pants to give to the next boy in the family.

I realized that this next week is his last week of baseball practice, and even though he has had a bit of a rough time with it, he has learned that he really enjoys watching his peers and enjoys being part of a team. Next Thursday he will get a certificate for being on the team, which of course I will frame and put up on the wall, and they are going to have a little party. Being on the Miracle League Team has shown me that Alex doesn't really see any difference between the kids around him, whether they are disabled or not. However, he did take a particular interest in one of his teammates named Jonas, because he has a walker and tie-dyed braces on his legs, just like Alex's Aunt Bill (Thea Aspenson)!

His swimming lessons will continue until the end of summer, so there will still be updates on his progress (or hope of progress) as that continues. He will even have swimming lessons during the school year, just because it is something that we both enjoy doing together. But with school for both of us looming ever closer, I find myself wondering about the progress that he will make this year. Will he take leaps and bounds forward like he did last year? Will he finally conquer the fine art of holding a pencil properly so that he may begin to write words and his name? How will his vocabulary progress? And most importantly: Will he get over his fear of butterflies?

I can't help but want to give a big hug to Abbie, the Inclusion Specialist at the YMCA in La Crosse and Onalaska. She is so patient with all of the kids and understands each one's boundaries and respects them, while pushing them just a little bit. She has helped me to understand that it is ok to push Alex sometimes, because he does not fully understand some things that he might actually enjoy if he tries them.

While I am drowning in my classes like Physics, Organic Chemistry, and Microbiology, it is nice to take some time and just practice letters and sing songs. Next year when he is working on spelling simple words, I will be doing research and mastering Biochemistry, and then moving on to Blood Splatter patterns and Forensic Anthropology. How wonderful will it be to take the time from my day to make sure that he knows F-A-T C-A-T spells Fat Cat's name?

I know I am far from a perfect parent, and will never pretend that I am, but I do know that I am doing ok. I try not to smother him, but yet I keep a close eye on everything from what he is doing in school to how his day was with Grandpa. I pay attention to the things he is comfortable with, and I get just as sad when I have to go to work and leave him instead of play.

Oh, Alex, how mommy would love to just stay home and play all day. But I have to continue, because I want to provide the best opportunities possible for you. One day this will all pay off... and maybe you and Tony can have a puppy.

Conquering the Fear

Today at Alex's swimming lessons, things started much like they were last week. Screaming, his toes digging into my legs because he wanted to leave the water, and I was hoping that by getting him into the water 15 minutes before his lesson actually started, that it would help to calm him down a bit. We also brought Erik this time and let him come into the water with us.

When his teacher Danielle came into the water, there was more screaming. She tried a lot of different things, and then finally twisted him in her arms so his back was to her chest, and she let his legs float there. He was still freaking out for a while, but she gradually brought him over to where the water was more shallow, and before we knew it, Alex was walking around in the pool all by himself!

He started to get more confident and went over to the 3 1/2 feet deep area, and was holding on to the side. He did really well, considering at the start of the session he did not want to let go of Danielle or I. He was splashing by the end, and his normal 45 minute session turned into an hour and a half in the pool! So now that he is calm in the water, and realizes that his teacher nor I will let him drown, we can now start teaching him how to float on his back and eventually swim. Since he is ok with his teacher, I don't necessarily have to be in the water with him anymore, so I hope to take some pictures of my little fish next week at his next lesson.

However, tomorrow he has baseball practice, and I worry that with his new love of the pool that he will not be so excited about baseball. I am going to try to tell him that if he does well at baseball then we might take some time out and go to the pool. He ate twice the amount of food he normally does for supper (which isn't very much anyway), so I am happy that he has found something that he enjoys, even if it is going to make baseball a little more difficult.

As I was watching him in the pool, I felt sad because I realized that (other than Erik), I was the only one there as a parent figure that was overwhelmingly proud of him. Considering how much his grandmother dislikes water, and the screaming that he did before he got used to it, my heart was bursting with pride watching him smile and play. Only the promise of chicken nuggets and chocolate milk got him out of the pool. I realized that I would never let anything come between me and seeing him do things like he did today. I could never let anything come in the way of watching him interact with his peers and grow in his own way.

For a child that has sensory issues, getting used to a new feeling like floating in water is very tough. He has to learn how to stay calm even though he is not used to the feeling, he has to get used to the fact that he needs to let go of things that are "safe" like mom, Danielle, or the side of the pool if he wants to learn how to swim. He had to learn how to trust us, even in the most uncomfortable situation. And he did an amazing job overcoming all of that. Alex is indeed, a very brave boy.

I would like to just say that the YMCA in Onalaska has a priceless person in Danielle. She has just as many bruises from him as I do, was bit, and scratched, these last two lessons. And she stuck with Alex, and was amazing in every way. She knew how to handle him, and I could not have asked for a better buddy helping Alex through this very tough obstacle. Hopefully, Alex gets to have Danielle in the fall, because I am totally going to continue his lessons year around.

Location: Wisconsin, US, North America, Earth, Milky Way Galaxy

Alex is learning two very different things now. We are working on naming the parts of the body like eyes, nose, mouth, ears, cheeks, chin, and others, so that when he hurts something, he can tell me what hurts. He is doing a good job with the different parts of his face, but when it comes to the other parts, he doesn't really care. Unless its his toes or his big stinky feet. Then he is excited to show people them. So far, he usually hurts his face the most (running into things when he gets too hyper) so I guess this is at least a step in the right direction.

The other thing we have been looking at is the planets. I got him a planet book when he was in school from his book orders, and right away he didn't want to have anything to do with it. Recently, he started looking through it, and we have read it at least a million times. He is mainly focused on trying to remember the order that the planets go in, Mercury through Neptune (blast you International Astronomical Union! Pluto will always be a planet in my heart!) and the book states a one sentence fact about each planet. When I tried to tell Alex that Earth is where we lived, I think the concept was a little too awesome (in the traditional sense of the word) for him to comprehend. So I told him our address, told him we live in Wisconsin, which is in the United States, which is a part of North America, which is in the North and West Hemispheres on planet Earth. I think before I take this much further, I should go get my globe from my parent's house.

Now, its raining here, and he rather enjoys when we open the window for a second and get rained on. There is nothing about storms that scare him, so he is watching the lightning and hearing the thunder from the storm and loves it. He sings his "Rain, rain, go away" song that he learned in school, but there are times where the rain is almost therapeutic for him, which is no surprise because I love it too. I think I might have to try to explain to him the ideas about how rain happens, and why we hear the thunder after the lightning. I am glad that I have a scientific background broad enough to explain these kinds of things to him, so that when he gets to the point where he asks questions about why the sky is blue, I can give him a truthful answer, rather than mumble and tell him that he will find out later at school.

I question everyday whether I am doing things right when it comes to Alex. He is the most important person in my life, and I want to make sure that I do not mess up so that it makes things worse on him. He still gets sad when I have to go to work, but I am trying to teach him that me going to work should make our time together that much more special. Last night we sat on the couch and read together, I read to him what I was reading (my Women and Religion textbook) and then I read to him what he was reading (his planets book). I try to do my best and incorporate him into every aspect of my life so he is aware of the different things that I do, and learns how to do them himself (he helps with laundry, sometimes helps with cooking, and he is still totally against helping me clean).

It makes me excited to see what he will learn and when. I still am waiting to figure out whether he really knows how to read yet or not, and I cannot wait for the time when he is comfortable with a pencil so we can work on his writing skills. Right now, he is not comfortable holding the pencil correctly, and it makes him too frustrated to get very far with him. So we just have to take it slow, and when he comes around to it, I will have boatloads of words to show off.

Future Big Brother In Need Of A Daddy

Even after my niece Megan was born in February, it still amazes me how much Alex likes babies. With both of the new babies (Leah, my brother's daughter, and Megan, my sister's daughter) at my brother's house yesterday, Alex didn't want to play with them at first, because everyone was around them. Once the crowd thinned down, he came over and started giving them both kisses and hugs, and holding their hands. He knows he has to be gentle, and he gives them hugs and kisses when they cry.

I know he will be an amazing big brother when Tony and I get to the point where we are ready to have more kids. He shows care and compassion, and is concerned for each of the girls individually, trying to make sure that both were ok.

But before we think about having other children, I have to deal with custody of Alex. I am trying to get sole custody, because being with his father is not what is best for Alex. I am not saying this to be mean, but it is the truth. Alex's biological father does not have a stable life, a roof over his own head let alone one for Alex, and has some psychological problems that he denies that he has to deal with. Because an autistic child needs stability, above all else, I am trying to get the ball rolling so I can get sole custody of Alex. I already practically do, because I am the one that his doctors, teachers, and coaches know. They have never met his dad. His dad has given many excuses as to why he cannot meet these very influential people in Alex's life, but that doesn't make up for it. This is going to be a long, hard, stressful battle, but one day I hope Alex sees that what I did was what was best for him. He needs a dad he can rely on to go to his baseball games, to provide for him, and to be there for him even if it is inconvenient, because that is what dads do. That is what parents do for their children. They put their children and their needs above and beyond their own. Alex needs a dad who understands that he is a little different, and still loves him. A dad that he can understand and respect.

I doubt that Alex will be torn up about losing his biological dad, just because he hasn't really been there for Alex since he was about a year old. He has me, and his grandparents, who have always been there. He knows we will be there for him. And now, he has Tony, who he looks up to. Alex will always know that his real dad is someone else, but he gets to choose who he wants to call dad. I hope this all goes well for us, so that Alex can continue to have the best opportunities available to him.

Baseball Blues

Yesterday was not the best day at Alex's baseball practice.

Being a parent means that you have to get used to frustrations, but when your child is not used to engaging in new things, and prefers to be by himself rather than with his teammates, it is difficult. What is even more hard is when other parents don't really understand why Alex doesn't want to have anything to do with their children. Its not the other children's fault, Alex just prefers to be around the people that he already knows. He wants to do things his own way, on his own time, and that is something that is very difficult to break him of.

Alex likes the little town that he lives in, because it is what he is used to. He loves his family, his friends, and even my co-workers, because not only are they who he is used to, but because they accept him for who he is and just basically let him be himself. Alex can sit there during one of my crew meetings and listen while he reads his books, and he enjoys it, but when we try something like baseball, he clams up again.

It is hard because he yells when he does not want to do something, and at baseball practice there is a lot of yelling. The volunteers that help are good at trying to get him to engage in play with them, but he still is not sure of his surroundings enough to be comfortable with that. It would help if he would go more than once a week, but alas I have no control over what his father chooses to do with him on Thursday, the other day he has practice during the week. I drive 45 minutes to become frustrated trying to get him to understand that this is fun, and it is something that he likes. The other 45 minute drive back home is devoted to me trying to calm myself down because I know that no matter what, he needs this. He needs to keep doing this if there is going to be any progress made.

My son is different. And that does make things harder on me, on the people who love him and want to see him succeed, but at the same time it makes it so that I can't just pretend like nothing is wrong and use the same parenting methods that my parents used on me. Its hard to get people to realize that we are not "anti-social" because we want to be, it is just what makes Alex the most comfortable. And when he is comfortable, that is the window of opportunity that we have to get through to him.

He still lines up his cars, sings at random times, and prefers to sit and read to himself more than almost anything else. He loves to go for rides in the car, because it is soothing to him, and above all else, he likes his life in this little town.

This Father's Day, I think it essential that I give a shout out to the two fellas in Alexzander's life that have been there for him no matter what, and continue to be there to help him in his quest to understand the world. Both my father and Tony have helped to make my child into who he is today: The fun-loving, charismatic, and simply amazing child who just happens to be autistic. He loves both of them, and watches them when they don't know it so that he makes sure his mimic of them is as close to the real thing as possible.

We will start with my father. He was so excited when Alex was born because finally he had another guy to be with. To date, my father has five granddaughters, and just Alex in the grandson category. He loves all of his grand-kids, but he has a special place for Alex, because they are so much alike. Not only do they have the same facial expressions, but they also both have the tendency to think like old men, needing to read the newspaper, looking at deals in the Menards flier, and making sure they get the tough stuff done before they get to play. My father has taught my son how to navigate the back roads throughout our whole county, know which day to go get fresh cheese curds (because Alex likes them best when they are fresh, and doesn't like to share), and has encourage Alex in his love of trains and cars by making sure he had a car collection to rival any other kid's. I never really had a grandpa, my father's father died before I was born and my mother's father died when I was young (and I can barely remember him), so watching the bond that my father has with Alex is pretty amazing. Alex's favorite place to be is with grandpa on the recliners at his house, reading and drinking water, preparing for the next "Grandpa Attack". When I was younger, my father was someone that you didn't cross, because he kept the fear in you to keep you in line. With Alex, he had to have a different approach, and now it is almost like they share their own language. I know Alex is grateful for his grandpa every day, because without him, who would help him off the bus and make sure that his water bottle is always full?

Then he has Tony. Tony is a lot like my father when it comes to discipline, because he knows what Alex knows and when Alex tries to so wrong, Tony is quick to intervene. Just recently, with the help of a sprinkler, I think Tony finally realized the effect he has on Alex, and how much he looks up to him. After all, who else could teach him how to catch the sprinkler water in his mouth and spit it at mom? Alex watches him dance in the car, and then mimics him, Alex will put on his shoes and wander around the house when he is gone. Though they haven't quite figured out how to efficiently communicate with one another, they are both learning. I know Alex gets frustrated when he wants to tell him something, and it causes Alex to freak out. But like most guys, they bond by physically tormenting each other, and tormenting me. I don't think that either Tony or myself thought that we would have to deal with such a big change so early in our relationship, but he stepped up when Alex was diagnosed and didn't ditch us. There are not very many guys in this world who would date a woman with a child, let alone a child with special needs, even less so would date a woman with a child with a special need that people know so little about. But he stayed with us, and I don't think he will ever understand how much that means to Alex and I. Its easy to walk away, yeah, but staying is where the adventure is. I hope that later in Alex's life, I can remind him of this and when he wants to just give up, I will say that Tony didn't give up on him, so why does he think he can just give up on himself?

For as much as all of us try to teach Alex, he teaches us things right back. He has taught me patience, understanding, and that as much as I would like to, I can't plan for the future all the time. He learns from these men and I hope that when he grows up, he is just as great of a man, just as great of a daddy, and when the time comes, an amazing grandpa, just like he has.

Sidewalk Chalk

Few things in life are as simply amazing as a child taking a piece of chalk and drawing to his heart's content on a slab of cement. Not only does this bring the child joy, but if the adult were to do the same, the joy would then be shared and a lovely piece of artwork is created. Alexzander and I are lucky that we have a long stretch of sidewalk by our house, one that we have been given permission to beautify. A long row of letters and number stretch across about four of the slabs, and 1-20 is written on the opposite side. We drew pictures like "baseball" and "flower", wrote the names of the people in our family so he could recognize the names. He picked up every color and smiled as he drew lines and circles, and when he could, he identified the color he was using.

52 colors in the box, and the strip of sidewalk in front of Tony's car looks fabulous. This lead to a two hour nap, many slices of cheese and crackers eaten, and three or four juice pouches drank dry. When I was watching him, I felt that wish grow stronger, the one that is deep inside that is just wanting the thing that he will easily communicate with others with to come out. He has a lot going on in that little head, and I know there are times when he wants to share. There are times he wants to tell me what he wants, what he needs, but gets frustrated because he can't figure out the words.

He gets so excited when he sees things that he knows the word for, and will not calm down until you say the word too. "Butterfly" is his most favorite, and when we went to the flower shop today, he saw wind chimes with a butterfly on it. If only I had more money, I would buy one for him so that he could listen to it chime as the butterfly wings went up and down.

Alexzander starts baseball tomorrow, and once he gets used to that I am going to start taking him to the pool so he gets used to water before he starts swimming lessons. I don't know what that thing will be that he excels at, but I do know that he has the ability to have fun with anything once he gets the hang of it, and that is really something that all of us can look at and learn from. When I think about complaining because of all of the chapters I have to read for class, I remember that he is trying so hard to learn the words so he can start reading himself, because he loves books almost as much as he loves his mommy.

Before I end this post, I just want to put up a link to the Autism Awareness Shop, because I have found some amazing wedding gifts from there and I am excited that a portion of the proceeds benefits autism awareness. There are also different causes on the top tab, so you can choose which store you would like to shop. Give it a look, it is definitely worth your time!

https://www.theautismsite.com/store/site.do;jsessionid=B90EE0EB5D14942819DEA8D8D20407F5.store-b?siteId=346