On Tuesday, he and I went and got his school supplies. He was such a great kid while we were at the store, helping to pick out his folders and crayons and whatever else his long list had, that I said he could get a new backpack. While there is nothing wrong with the old one, I remember how exciting it was going to school with a new backpack, and we can donate the old one to a little boy that doesn't have one (this is something that I find VERY important that Alex learn: That there are many people out there with less than he has, and there is no reason for him to have excess that he will not use when we can simply donate it). It is another Cars one (of course), and we put his name on the tag (which he was quite excited about). He also got to pick out a Kindergarten Nap-Time Mat, and the one he chose was a blue and green one. He got a pencil box, which he was quite confused about, but we have been keeping his colors in something similar so hopefully he will understand the concept once he has to keep stuff in there.
The thing at the top is his lunch box, which he chose the one with Spiderman on it. This will hold his "back-up lunch", which he only gets in the event that he doesn't eat the hot lunch at school. We are trying to get him to expand his palate, and at the same time not let him know that we are doing it (he is stubborn that way). So he is going to eat with his friends, hopefully they will coerce him into eating school lunch (even if it takes a while).
After we got home, and after Dad came back from Tomah (which I will discuss in a moment), they then took off and had a Man Trip to Best Buy. Alex got a new copy of "Monsters vs Aliens" because he wore his old one out. They also bought some new music and rented a game.
So the reason that Tony was in Tomah is because he had to take a physical assessment for his new job at the Distribution Center there. This is a very exciting thing for our family, indeed! This means that through the school year, he will be home Tuesday through Thursday to take Alex off of the bus, while I will be home on Monday to do so, thus greatly releasing the strain of dealing with our rather rambunctious Kindergartner from my father. Tony will be working Saturday through Monday, 12 hours a day. While he will have to endure quite the drive, by this time next year we are moving to West Salem to be a bit closer to his job and Alex will get to be in an amazing school district.
Which is the first thing that I have to discuss that has been on my mind. This will be very difficult on my dad, as Alex and him are very close. However, I will have to beg and plead with him not to get angry, because this is what is best for Alex. It is not like we are not taking him into account. We were going to move long before Tony got this job. Since they have a day care with teachers that can help him with things he needs to do for school that is right across the street from his school, West Salem seems like a perfect place for him to not only get the best education possible, but also for him to have the ability to play with his peers (whom he has the most difficulty with when it comes to communicating) after school is done.
And, we have to get out of this building. It is like a frat house with people who are long past the age to be acting like that. But that was just a short rant, which if I don't put a cap on could turn into a whole post itself.
I guess that when it comes to the time of having to tell him (being my father), I want to let him know that I have done a lot of research on this, that I am acting in Alex's best interests, and that he cannot think selfishly. Its not like Alex will forget about him or anything. We want it to become a reward for Alex to go down to Grandpa's house, after a long week at school or after he conquered a really hard task. When it comes to my parents, I have to stand up for Alex and let them know that yeah, stuff is hard for him, but he is my kid. They watched me go through hell and back, and I am still standing. I know Alex has that kind of strength in him too, because I see it all the time. I don't want Alex thinking that because something is hard, that he can give up on it, because that is not what they, my parents, taught me to think. I was raised on the idea that hard work could get you anything you wanted, if you wanted it bad enough. This is a quality that I want to instill on Alex, since it has been so pivotal in my life.
How do I know he can do the impossible? Yesterday, I asked him to draw me a map to Grandpa's house when it was drawing time. First he drew this:
This is the first sign he sees on his way to Grandpa's house. Then he flipped the page and drew this:
Which is the road sign on the road that Grandpa lives on. See? Terribly smart kid. And his artwork, with the coloring time that I have him do, is getting pretty amazing. He drew a couple of elephants on his wall, and this one was the best one, which he named "Andrew" (of course):
This week I have watched him grow just a little bit more, as I do every week, but this week I grew a little bit with him. I realized that even though I am scared to discuss a lot of this stuff if you were to see me in person, it is mostly because I like to keep things to myself. Which is just me. And this is the important thing that I realized. Alex doesn't need me to be an advocate, he doesn't need me to be Supermom. He doesn't care how much I do in one day, nor does he really care how much money Daddy or Mommy makes. What he does care about is that we are here, that we are ourselves, and that we love him. The most powerful thing Alex has learned how to say other than "I love you" is "Will you help me?". Because he has the ability to ask for help when he knows he needs it, I don't really worry about what I am doing wrong, because I know that to him, I am doing everything right. He is expanding his mind and he is getting so much better socially, that I know that what Tony and I are doing is the perfect medium between the two terrible extremes: Not caring, and caring too much it is suffocating.
Last night I went to my sister Angela's house to get my oldest nieces's senior pictures (holy cow do I feel old), and I met my second oldest nieces's boyfriend's mom. She was talking about concerns she has for her daughter, who is showing many signs of autism, and she has even done some web research on it. However, her husband denies it, and says that it is not his daughter.
The words I didn't have last night to tell her was this: Autism isn't really ANY of our kids. Any of the 1 in 88. My child is Alexzander, an almost 6 year old who loves reading, dancing to music, and coloring. He somehow manages to find a place in the hearts of everyone he meets, and if he is around you enough you will see that he is a pretty awesome little dude. When he was diagnosed, I didn't look at him differently, like this suddenly made him a different person. There is nothing more frustrating than people thinking that my son IS Autism, instead of "my son just happens to be Autistic". It doesn't mean that you have to change who you are around them, by any means. It just means that he needs a little extra help every once in a while. What is denying that your child is autistic going to do for them in the long run anyway? Nothing but hurt them, I assume. There are so many crazy stereotypes that come with the label of Autism, none of which really pertain to my kid. I am not going to let him think that because he can't do something one way, that he is inferior or it gives him an excuse not to find another way. I am not a good "excuse" person, I really actually hate them. I am not going to tell Alex he cannot do something, because this MIGHT happen. Everything is a learning process with him, with heavy emphasis of the PROCESS. When a child is diagnosed, it is the parents job to find how they learn, what is the best medium for them in which to learn, which leads the way to what their learning process is. Set aside your feelings of inferiority, any ill feelings toward your child, and just become active with them. If there are siblings, they will follow suit. Don't look for "cures" or a cause, because that will make you lose focus on what is really important: Learning your child. You have spent this long with them, you should have the ability to know what they are all about. Let the scientists and doctors work on all of the other stuff.
And for the love of everything right and holy, do not, I repeat, DO NOT listen to a damn word that Jenny McCarthy has to say.
Until next week, I hope that all of you have an amazing time, and thanks for reading my blathering!
You are the most amazing mom ever!!
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