Last Summer Swim Practice

Alex has now graduated from swimming just one on one with Miss Danielle to having a peer join him for his Fall Lessons. He did extremely well this evening, and is starting to enjoy figuring out how to keep himself floating in the deep water. He had a huge smile on his face as he was kicking around, didn't fuss when we put his floaties on his back, and gladly gave up his fun-noodle and attempted to float with just his back floaties. He also learned how to jump feet first into the deeper water, holding on to two hands, then he got really brave and learned how to jump holding just one hand. There was no fuss this time, absolutely none, when we changed from doing one thing to another, and he actually wanted to stay in the deep end even when Miss Danielle offered to let him over into what we called his "comfort zone".

Danielle and I had a great conversation about what we think would be best for him in the fall, and we both decided that a great idea is having him team up with a peer so they can learn things not only from Miss Danielle, but also from each other. She also believes that he will be ready, by the end of the next set of seven weeks, to test for being a Level 1 swimmer, because he has already got a lot of the basics that he needs down. For his age, she said she thinks he is doing fantastically, and I completely agree. Everyone, the lady in charge of Adapted Aquatics, the teachers, even the parents who have their children there too, say that they are so amazed that just seven weeks ago, this same little boy was screaming his head off because he didn't want to go in the water. Now if only we can get his Grandma to learn how much fun the water can be...

I would also like to thank him for being a wonderfully behaved little boy for Grandpa today. This morning, at 6 am, my father called me so I could come over and give him a shot with his Epi-Pen because he was stung by a bee while feeding his birds (crazy old bird man). When Alex got up, I sat him down and told him that his beloved best friend, Grandpa, was not feeling the best, and that he needed to be EXTRA good for him. He needed to be his nurse and NOT let him go outside. Alex did just that. Apparently when Grandpa did go outside, Alex got his shoes on and started going after him. But he was back inside by the time Alex got to the door. I could only imagine the butt chewing Alex would have done.

We still have some struggles, and I am reminded of them every once in a while. Like how he doesn't understand parties, and how he doesn't like having a lot of people around him. This past weekend at my niece's baptism was a prime example of him still having times that are not the easiest for him. However, those are becoming more and more of a rare thing, because I have learned how to better help him adjust, how to respond to him, and what good and bad situations are for him to be in. I don't write this blog to get pity from people, nor do I want to make other parents of autistic children feel bad if their child is more affected by it. I just want to use this as a tool for myself to talk me through things with Alex, and I also want it to be something that helps the people around Alex understand him better. Alex doesn't need people to treat him differently, but rather understand that what he sees and what he experiences is different than other children. Instead of just thinking he has some sort of discipline issue, this blog helps people to understand that when he lashes out it is the only way he knows how to communicate the fact that he is uncomfortable. He has words, but he doesn't have the ones he needs connected to certain things yet. But he will get there, I promise. Even Miss Danielle said this evening that she firmly believes that there is NOTHING that he can't do, if he just takes the time to learn it.

Countdown to School Continues

Sorry it has been a few days. Life has been happening.

Alex has done a marvelous job the last few swimming sessions that we have gone to. He can now kick his way across the pool without the floaties on his back, however we are trying to get him to calm down when he is in the deeper water so he can realize that he can float. This last time, Danielle was floating him on his back and managed to get him calmed down by singing to him. But when we put him in the deep water with his fun noodle, he still whines and expresses his want to go to the other, more shallow end of the pool. He knows he can touch with his feet there, and I think he thinks that means he can have more fun. However, once he realizes that he can swim and stay afloat in the deeper water if he just calms down, then I think teaching him how to swim will be much easier.

With the summer coming to a close rapidly, I am finding I am getting a little depressed about some of the things I wanted to accomplish with him but did not have the chance to. His pencil grip still needs work, because he doesn't hold it properly, and I think he would have an easier time writing if he did. However, being stubborn is definitely something he is good at (I know, he gets it from mom), and so he thinks his way is the best way. I think, though, that my key to beating that might be with his sidewalk chalk. Last week, Aunt "Bill", Thea Aspenson, my best friend, came over and we sat outside and drew on the sidewalk. He had a great time, as did we, and he liked showing her that he mastered the letter R. So I think the more dates we have like that, hopefully we can con him into holding the chalk our way, instead of his way.

I find that there are times where I wish he understood me. I wish that instead of freaking out, he would understand what I am saying and stay calm. Its hard to calm him down when he starts freaking out, and a lot of the time I am scared he will hurt himself. He is so much better around a lot of people, and since I haven't wanted to spend much time at home lately and have brought him with to a lot of different places, he has started to not want to be home much either. Sadly, many things stand in my way of having a place that is big enough for him to run around and exhaust himself from having fun. My dream of building my own house was brought up yesterday and even though it was not a part of the conversation, I was thinking about how much space I wanted for Alex just so he could have a lot of room to be comfortable. I want him to have a big bedroom with a lot of things he loves, like books and cars. But then I know that with that dream life, I will be taken away from him so that I can work a bunch to pay for it all. Although this dream house may be a few years away, I find that I now am faced with the delicate balance that many other parents are faced with: How to make enough money and still be there for your child.

Everyone deserves a place where they can relax, and un-stress themselves. What I thought was going to be a lazy summer has turned out to be quite different. But I have learned that I cannot show that to Alex, because he knows how mommy is feeling, and if I am having a bad day, so is he. I love, though, how he tries to make it better, by making funny faces and sticking his face in mine and smiling. He has a great heart.

Swimming, Boxer Troubles, and Kitties are NOT Supposed to Fly

A few things happened this afternoon that I feel the need to tell you all about. Hopefully some of you will laugh about it and be extremely happy for him like I have. Ok. Here we go:

First- Swimming lessons. He did an amazing job today. He was used to the water right away this time, and started to wander around the pool rather than just stay in his corner. We couldn't get him to calm down and try to float on his back, even after watching me do it. He kept freaking out like we were going to drop him. So then we decided to get his attention off of that for a bit and Danielle got him to splash with his feet, do some simple strokes with his hands, and then, she tricked him into floating around the pool with a fun noodle. She strapped some floaties on his back and put his arms over the fun noodle, then stranded him in the deep part of the pool. The only way he could get to where he wanted to go was to kick his feet and swim. He did magnificently. It was brilliant. And then when he got to a point where he could almost touch the bottom, she moved him back to the deep part of the pool and he had to do it all over again. The look on his face was marvelous. He was concentrating on where he wanted to go, and was kicking his legs like crazy. He was so enveloped in focus that when he got to the other side the last time, a smile burst across his face like he knew he did something amazing. We cheered him on, and he even cheered himself on by saying "I can do it! I can do it!". Danielle said she will do this with him again next week, so hopefully I will have some pictures to share.

Then, when we were on our way home, we stopped for his celebratory chicken nuggets and for some reason, he didn't want them. This was odd to me, but when I handed him his drink, he drank it all in less than a block. Apparently swimming makes the little man have massive thirst.

And finally, when we got home, he stripped out of his swimming trunks and went to put on his boxers (all by himself, because of course, he is practically a man now that he swam across the pool four or five times) and missed one of the leg holes. Now he is running around the house with both legs through one leg hole and the other leg hole is dangling behind him.

I know that not everyone can dwell in how cute my child is, but surely everyone can appreciate that he has definitely gotten his mom's silliness. For right now, however, I have to go, because Alex is trying to be like Tony and toss the cats around....

End of Summer Coming Closer

I had some time this afternoon to stop and get Alex's school supply shopping done so that I am not in a rush to do it later. Besides, we have my school supplies that I need to think about too, so I don't want to be in a financial crunch later because I put off buying things when I could. The only thing I have left to get him is his clothing and shoes for school, but I figure I can wait until a little bit closer to the time so any growing that he does before the end of summer will not leave me with another pile of pants to give to the next boy in the family.

I realized that this next week is his last week of baseball practice, and even though he has had a bit of a rough time with it, he has learned that he really enjoys watching his peers and enjoys being part of a team. Next Thursday he will get a certificate for being on the team, which of course I will frame and put up on the wall, and they are going to have a little party. Being on the Miracle League Team has shown me that Alex doesn't really see any difference between the kids around him, whether they are disabled or not. However, he did take a particular interest in one of his teammates named Jonas, because he has a walker and tie-dyed braces on his legs, just like Alex's Aunt Bill (Thea Aspenson)!

His swimming lessons will continue until the end of summer, so there will still be updates on his progress (or hope of progress) as that continues. He will even have swimming lessons during the school year, just because it is something that we both enjoy doing together. But with school for both of us looming ever closer, I find myself wondering about the progress that he will make this year. Will he take leaps and bounds forward like he did last year? Will he finally conquer the fine art of holding a pencil properly so that he may begin to write words and his name? How will his vocabulary progress? And most importantly: Will he get over his fear of butterflies?

I can't help but want to give a big hug to Abbie, the Inclusion Specialist at the YMCA in La Crosse and Onalaska. She is so patient with all of the kids and understands each one's boundaries and respects them, while pushing them just a little bit. She has helped me to understand that it is ok to push Alex sometimes, because he does not fully understand some things that he might actually enjoy if he tries them.

While I am drowning in my classes like Physics, Organic Chemistry, and Microbiology, it is nice to take some time and just practice letters and sing songs. Next year when he is working on spelling simple words, I will be doing research and mastering Biochemistry, and then moving on to Blood Splatter patterns and Forensic Anthropology. How wonderful will it be to take the time from my day to make sure that he knows F-A-T C-A-T spells Fat Cat's name?

I know I am far from a perfect parent, and will never pretend that I am, but I do know that I am doing ok. I try not to smother him, but yet I keep a close eye on everything from what he is doing in school to how his day was with Grandpa. I pay attention to the things he is comfortable with, and I get just as sad when I have to go to work and leave him instead of play.

Oh, Alex, how mommy would love to just stay home and play all day. But I have to continue, because I want to provide the best opportunities possible for you. One day this will all pay off... and maybe you and Tony can have a puppy.

Conquering the Fear

Today at Alex's swimming lessons, things started much like they were last week. Screaming, his toes digging into my legs because he wanted to leave the water, and I was hoping that by getting him into the water 15 minutes before his lesson actually started, that it would help to calm him down a bit. We also brought Erik this time and let him come into the water with us.

When his teacher Danielle came into the water, there was more screaming. She tried a lot of different things, and then finally twisted him in her arms so his back was to her chest, and she let his legs float there. He was still freaking out for a while, but she gradually brought him over to where the water was more shallow, and before we knew it, Alex was walking around in the pool all by himself!

He started to get more confident and went over to the 3 1/2 feet deep area, and was holding on to the side. He did really well, considering at the start of the session he did not want to let go of Danielle or I. He was splashing by the end, and his normal 45 minute session turned into an hour and a half in the pool! So now that he is calm in the water, and realizes that his teacher nor I will let him drown, we can now start teaching him how to float on his back and eventually swim. Since he is ok with his teacher, I don't necessarily have to be in the water with him anymore, so I hope to take some pictures of my little fish next week at his next lesson.

However, tomorrow he has baseball practice, and I worry that with his new love of the pool that he will not be so excited about baseball. I am going to try to tell him that if he does well at baseball then we might take some time out and go to the pool. He ate twice the amount of food he normally does for supper (which isn't very much anyway), so I am happy that he has found something that he enjoys, even if it is going to make baseball a little more difficult.

As I was watching him in the pool, I felt sad because I realized that (other than Erik), I was the only one there as a parent figure that was overwhelmingly proud of him. Considering how much his grandmother dislikes water, and the screaming that he did before he got used to it, my heart was bursting with pride watching him smile and play. Only the promise of chicken nuggets and chocolate milk got him out of the pool. I realized that I would never let anything come between me and seeing him do things like he did today. I could never let anything come in the way of watching him interact with his peers and grow in his own way.

For a child that has sensory issues, getting used to a new feeling like floating in water is very tough. He has to learn how to stay calm even though he is not used to the feeling, he has to get used to the fact that he needs to let go of things that are "safe" like mom, Danielle, or the side of the pool if he wants to learn how to swim. He had to learn how to trust us, even in the most uncomfortable situation. And he did an amazing job overcoming all of that. Alex is indeed, a very brave boy.

I would like to just say that the YMCA in Onalaska has a priceless person in Danielle. She has just as many bruises from him as I do, was bit, and scratched, these last two lessons. And she stuck with Alex, and was amazing in every way. She knew how to handle him, and I could not have asked for a better buddy helping Alex through this very tough obstacle. Hopefully, Alex gets to have Danielle in the fall, because I am totally going to continue his lessons year around.

Location: Wisconsin, US, North America, Earth, Milky Way Galaxy

Alex is learning two very different things now. We are working on naming the parts of the body like eyes, nose, mouth, ears, cheeks, chin, and others, so that when he hurts something, he can tell me what hurts. He is doing a good job with the different parts of his face, but when it comes to the other parts, he doesn't really care. Unless its his toes or his big stinky feet. Then he is excited to show people them. So far, he usually hurts his face the most (running into things when he gets too hyper) so I guess this is at least a step in the right direction.

The other thing we have been looking at is the planets. I got him a planet book when he was in school from his book orders, and right away he didn't want to have anything to do with it. Recently, he started looking through it, and we have read it at least a million times. He is mainly focused on trying to remember the order that the planets go in, Mercury through Neptune (blast you International Astronomical Union! Pluto will always be a planet in my heart!) and the book states a one sentence fact about each planet. When I tried to tell Alex that Earth is where we lived, I think the concept was a little too awesome (in the traditional sense of the word) for him to comprehend. So I told him our address, told him we live in Wisconsin, which is in the United States, which is a part of North America, which is in the North and West Hemispheres on planet Earth. I think before I take this much further, I should go get my globe from my parent's house.

Now, its raining here, and he rather enjoys when we open the window for a second and get rained on. There is nothing about storms that scare him, so he is watching the lightning and hearing the thunder from the storm and loves it. He sings his "Rain, rain, go away" song that he learned in school, but there are times where the rain is almost therapeutic for him, which is no surprise because I love it too. I think I might have to try to explain to him the ideas about how rain happens, and why we hear the thunder after the lightning. I am glad that I have a scientific background broad enough to explain these kinds of things to him, so that when he gets to the point where he asks questions about why the sky is blue, I can give him a truthful answer, rather than mumble and tell him that he will find out later at school.

I question everyday whether I am doing things right when it comes to Alex. He is the most important person in my life, and I want to make sure that I do not mess up so that it makes things worse on him. He still gets sad when I have to go to work, but I am trying to teach him that me going to work should make our time together that much more special. Last night we sat on the couch and read together, I read to him what I was reading (my Women and Religion textbook) and then I read to him what he was reading (his planets book). I try to do my best and incorporate him into every aspect of my life so he is aware of the different things that I do, and learns how to do them himself (he helps with laundry, sometimes helps with cooking, and he is still totally against helping me clean).

It makes me excited to see what he will learn and when. I still am waiting to figure out whether he really knows how to read yet or not, and I cannot wait for the time when he is comfortable with a pencil so we can work on his writing skills. Right now, he is not comfortable holding the pencil correctly, and it makes him too frustrated to get very far with him. So we just have to take it slow, and when he comes around to it, I will have boatloads of words to show off.

Future Big Brother In Need Of A Daddy

Even after my niece Megan was born in February, it still amazes me how much Alex likes babies. With both of the new babies (Leah, my brother's daughter, and Megan, my sister's daughter) at my brother's house yesterday, Alex didn't want to play with them at first, because everyone was around them. Once the crowd thinned down, he came over and started giving them both kisses and hugs, and holding their hands. He knows he has to be gentle, and he gives them hugs and kisses when they cry.

I know he will be an amazing big brother when Tony and I get to the point where we are ready to have more kids. He shows care and compassion, and is concerned for each of the girls individually, trying to make sure that both were ok.

But before we think about having other children, I have to deal with custody of Alex. I am trying to get sole custody, because being with his father is not what is best for Alex. I am not saying this to be mean, but it is the truth. Alex's biological father does not have a stable life, a roof over his own head let alone one for Alex, and has some psychological problems that he denies that he has to deal with. Because an autistic child needs stability, above all else, I am trying to get the ball rolling so I can get sole custody of Alex. I already practically do, because I am the one that his doctors, teachers, and coaches know. They have never met his dad. His dad has given many excuses as to why he cannot meet these very influential people in Alex's life, but that doesn't make up for it. This is going to be a long, hard, stressful battle, but one day I hope Alex sees that what I did was what was best for him. He needs a dad he can rely on to go to his baseball games, to provide for him, and to be there for him even if it is inconvenient, because that is what dads do. That is what parents do for their children. They put their children and their needs above and beyond their own. Alex needs a dad who understands that he is a little different, and still loves him. A dad that he can understand and respect.

I doubt that Alex will be torn up about losing his biological dad, just because he hasn't really been there for Alex since he was about a year old. He has me, and his grandparents, who have always been there. He knows we will be there for him. And now, he has Tony, who he looks up to. Alex will always know that his real dad is someone else, but he gets to choose who he wants to call dad. I hope this all goes well for us, so that Alex can continue to have the best opportunities available to him.