Building Important Foundations... And Towers

A lot better time this week, that is for sure! This house braved the mid-winter storm Alex, and he seems as though he is seeing the light at the end of these dreary winter days, finding happiness again. This past week he has been building things, and it all started with a penguin house at school:

He built a house for Puzzled Penguin.

And his friends had to come over and check it out. He was very happy they thought it was so cool!

On Friday there was a snow day, and Alex was happy because that meant that Dad could not make it into work, so they built towers together. 

Building the TALLEST TOWER IN THE WORLD.

He has been doing well at school, even with the integration of a new program called PBIS. Positive Behavior  Intervention and Service, which basically teaches the kids how to be respectful to one another, be responsible for their actions, and to be safe. These things are very important, especially to Alex, because he doesn't really understand the social aspect of a lot of things. I hope this new program helps him to get a better grasp on some of these concepts.

On Sunday was Grandma Nofsinger's birthday, and so he was happy that he was able to play outside with Lauren (after I ran home quick to get his snowpants), and play with Leah and Megan. They both enjoyed destroying Grandpa and Grandma's bed with Alex (its one of his favorite Grandpa's house activities), and they found out that they have similar ticklish spots. 

Helping one of his friends give Puzzled Penguin a hug.

Recess inside is always fun when you can build towers with your friends!

Trying to recreate his and Dad's tower.

I am hoping to get a video of Alex saying his social story, because he does such a good job! He repeated it for Grandma yesterday, and she was so proud of him and the manners he is learning. It may sound sort of weird for those who are not accustomed to being around children or people with these issues, but knowing not to hit, bite, or yell when you are frustrated because you don't understand something is a very important lesson for Alex to be learning. 

It has been a big week for the dear boy, and he is continuing to surprise us every day with what he knows and what he is willing to share with us. I am lucky that I get him all to myself tonight, since Dad has to work late. I hope you all have a great week, and enjoyed the pictures!

This is what happens when you try to keep up with Dad: You need to take a nap.

Valentine's Week

There was a lot of love in the air this past week, what with it being Valentine's Day on Thursday, the 100th day of school for Alex on Tuesday, and getting to spend the day with Grandpa on Friday. Alex had a pretty busy week, and I think he was quite thankful that he was able to have three days to rest.

On Tuesday, they had to dress like they were 100 years old. He looked great when he had his shirt tucked in and the waist of his pants above his belly, but he was not comfortable that way, and un-tucked his shirt right away.

Waiting patiently in line to play with the SMART board on the 100th Day of School.

As you may have noticed for this picture, he is looking at the camera and attempting a smile. This is one thing his teacher is VERY excited about! He is starting to smile for pictures and actually let her take some of him! He also is more open to giving her hugs, and he talks a lot about "Mrs. Harger and The Mrs. G" when he comes home from school. Thats right, Mrs. G is no ordinary Mrs. G.... she is THE Mrs. G.

Things are looking brighter for him again, and he seems to be having a better time at school. He is still learning about the consequences of his actions, though. On Wednesday, he jumped into a big puddle even though he was told not to, so his snow boots were soaking wet. On Thursday, they were still not dry (Dad forgot to dry them while Mom was gone) so he had to stay on the pavement for recess. He didn't like this the first time around, but then understood for the following recesses that he couldn't play in the snow without his snow clothes.

Thursday, we sent flowers for Mrs. Harger, Mrs. G, Mrs. Stellner, and Mrs. Ostrem. They do a wonderful job with Alex, and he likes talking about them. So I thought it would be a nice surprise for Valentine's Day to get them something. Alex had a blast at the Valentine's party, then that night we went through and looked at all of his Valentine's, read their names, and he decided that his favorite one was from Mrs. Harger, because it had Blue's Clues on it. He really enjoyed the candy and stickers too!

He got a Valentine from Aunt Bill, and I got flowers from Dad. I told him that even when Mom says she doesn't NEED flowers, doesn't mean she won't feel special if she gets them anyway. Just laying the seed for how to act in future relationships is all I am doing.

Eating Valentine's candy from Aunt Bill and playing on PBSKids.org.

My flowers from Dad.

On Saturday, I had to run to the store for a few things (and to really just get out of the house), so Alex decided he would look for a new doctor kit. His old one is a hodge-podge of toys that he tries to use for a check up, but I thought that he had been really good this week, so why not. However, the only one we could find, was purple and pink (glitter), and he seemed fine with that. He was really excited to get it home to play with, and I think that I am ok with check ups for the rest of my life after how many he put me through.

Rockin' the new doctor kit.

Most people would probably say, "He is a boy, you should find him a blue one." Bah. I don't care. He doesn't understand the difference, and if he likes it and learns from it, why should it matter what color it is? 

I have come to realize that my little boy is growing up. This stems from him asking me almost daily where Dad is, and that he wants Dad to play with him. He is moving on from me being the center of his world to always looking to Dad for answers or guidance, and I guess... for as sad as it makes me, I am ok with it. He is so smart, and keeps a lot of it locked inside, and if we have to share him in order to get the full (no pun intended) spectrum of his knowledge, then I guess I can stop being so selfish. :)

Post Of Happiness

More snow this week meant that Alex had a really good week. The only aspect that was rough on him was doing his homework once he got home, and Dad and I had to put him in the corner for a few times to calm down so he could focus on what he needed to do. But he made snow men at school with his 4th grade friend, and the whole front of the school is lined with them!

Outside our house, it is snowing!

Alex next to his amazing snowman!

On Friday, we had a date night at the school, because they had a PBIS Family Night where they showed one of Alex's current favorite movies, Madagascar 3. He was such a good boy, eating his popcorn, watching the movie, and cuddling with me. 

Alex and I on our date to Family Night!

This week, we were just focused on being happy. There are so many things that we could focus on for the bad, but I have been feeling so down the last few weeks that I couldn't do that this week. So now I will post some pictures of our happy kid, being his goofy self. 

Goofy growling face.

Big smiles!

Tuckered out after our date.

I love when he makes this face.

He got a letter from Aunt Bill in the mail.

So he had to rip it open to see what it said!

And wouldn't share!

I will have more words for next week. I guess I just want you all out there to enjoy smiles this week, after dealing with sadness and frustration from this blog the last few weeks. So I hope you all have a happy week, keep your chins up and love yourselves and those around you!

Hope

We received Alex's IEP progress report and his Kindergarten progress reports on Friday, and I have finally found a little ray of hope. I think that sometimes it is easy for us to tell one another to not lose hope, but we don't really think about the real meaning and vastness behind that word. But when I see the words "Sufficient Progress" or "Secure" on these pages, it makes the real feeling of hope come back to me.

Lately, Alex has really enjoyed playing doctor with his stuffed animals, and of course Tony and I have had to get several check ups. I like watching him come up with ideas as to what ailment each of his animals have, and what he has to cure it.

First, Blue got a check up.

Then, T. Rex got an X, because that is in his name.

Those are his doctor tools he used to make Blue feel better.

This was after I broke the news to Alex that T. Rex was the last of his kind... that dinosaurs died off a long time ago.

This week brought snow. Alex had two days off this week due to snow, and one of those days he was able to spend with Grandpa, while the other he spent with mom and dad.

He enjoyed his time with us, but when he went back to school on Thursday and Friday, he was a bit confused. At the end of both days he wanted Grandpa, because he thought that he was supposed to pick him up from school. This made him a bit irritable, and he didn't want to focus at the end of the day. So, his teachers came up with an amazing idea to have a picture of the bus above his coat hook for days he rides the bus home, and then a picture of Grandpa by his hook for days when Grandpa comes to get him. We hope that this will help him to concentrate a bit more, because there will be less uncertainty in his day.

The best news that I got on his reports was, "Alex will answer some who, what, where questions when listening to a story. He will occasionally ask a question to get information. Alex is just starting to use picture cues to comment on an activity in speech. He is also starting to work on labeling the emotion 'mad' using picture cards/story." This is great because he is not only working on identifying his own emotions, but he is also starting to ask questions! Even if he is starting to resist doing his homework again (meaning screaming matches, hitting, ripping things... etc.) and he is still not cooperating fully in school, at least he is gaining some ground in his speech so maybe one day we can be told why he is angry or frustrated, rather then having to guess.

I am extremely lucky that Tony is so strong. Yesterday, after spending a whole day fighting with Alex to get his homework done, I went into the kitchen and had a few tears while Tony gave it a shot after he came home from work. Leave it to Dad to get stuff done. Alex finished his homework, and I was so grateful that Tony is here with me. I feel like such a wuss compared to him. I have a great partner in him, and I am so thankful that he has the ability to get through to Alex when I can't. No matter what, no one can take away the fact he has done so much to positively influence Alex and I's lives, and he definitely deserves the title of "World's Best Dad".

So to summarize, this week was rough on us again. Things will get better, but I am clinging to my last shreds of hope. I am putting my positive energy into this week, hoping that it is even a fraction of a bit better than last week or the week before. For now, though, there is a light snow falling outside, and I think it is about time that Alex and I go out there to stretch our legs a bit.

All work and no play makes him a hungry guy.

Another Tough Week

This week was tougher than last week. I was denied a position with a company that I was really looking forward to. I felt horrible all week, and friends irritated me like never before. Alex had a tough time at school all week long, and I felt as though I was failing him because I couldn't make it better. I couldn't figure out the answer to making his world click with our own in a way that would positively influence his learning and social skills. I read articles, I read blogs, I read peer reviewed journal articles by doctors and psychologists... and nothing fit. Nothing helped.

Worst. Feeling. Ever.

But then, on Saturday, I saw this:

This helped me push through all of the bad to remember what I am now, and always will be thankful for. Whether it is how well they get along, how they were practically made for each other, even the way they can both make me smile after a horrible day. When I was called about not getting the job I interviewed for last week, Tony yelled, "F*** you, LHI!" while in the car after I told him. He said I should send them a thank you card when I get a job, because it will be one that I love, and they didn't stand in my way. When I felt like a terrible parent, lost and bawling my eyes out, he took my hand and reminded me that I should never have all of the answers, and that I am a good mom. I am not sure how he does it, how he always remembers that no matter what he is an awesome dad, but there are times where I am so thankful that he is in my life I can't even put it into words. I am lucky to have him by my side, supporting me and loving not just me, but Alex too. I am not sure if he quite understands exactly how much power his love and presence has on Alex and I.

And Alex, for as much difficulty as he had at school, never showed it at home. He always ran to me after getting off the bus with a "Momma! Momma!", cuddled with me, and reveled in a chorus of "MOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!" and "DAAAAAADDDDDDDD!" this weekend when he had both of us home with him.

So this is a new week. I have to try and put the things that happened last week and the week before behind me. Alex is having a hard time in school with the new concepts, and is taking it out on his friends. All that we can do is just keep reminding him that he shouldn't take his frustrations out on his friends, because they want to help him too.

He still is refusing to touch his iPad for very long, because I put new games on there addressing some of the topics he is having a hard time with in school. I am hoping he gets over this soon, because they are some pretty fun games!

So the real heart of why I have been so, distant... lets say, to those around me is partially from frustration, but mostly guilt. I feel bad that I am getting frustrated, because Alex is the way he is. Its just as frustrating to him too. The important thing to me is that he never sees me cry because of any of this, that he never sees how frustrated and crazy it makes me. I don't want him to know about the sleepless nights where stress is keeping me from sleeping longer than 2 hours, or days where my eyes are practically bleeding from reading so much from "experts". This is so important to me because I don't ever want Alex to feel bad about the way he is, about who he is, or about his life in general. I always want him to be able to tell me anything, because dealing with things as a family is really important. I don't want him to be ashamed of choices he makes, as long as they are thought about thoroughly and it makes him happy without hurting others.

Further guilt is that I think about siblings, and what is going to happen if I really am the one to blame, and our next child has autism as well? I won't love them any differently, but I will feel guilty nonetheless.

I still have a lot to think about. A lot to figure out. I don't ever expect things to get easier, but rather that I become tougher to deal with them. That is possibly the best parental advice that I can give to anyone: Don't expect things to become easier, expect yourself to become tougher.

Aggressive Alex Isn't Allowed

Apologies for missing my post last week, but my grad school classes started on Monday, and I was bound and determined to get ahead of schedule, considering this is my first semester and I have no idea what I am in for. Not to mention, I am planning a wedding, looking for a job, and getting my research data gathered together for an oral presentation at the National Conference on Undergraduate Research (NCUR). I have been, how do you say, busy.

But the main point is that I am back, and boy do I have some interesting stuff to talk about. First, however, pictures!

We really know how to tire this kid out!

The snow is starting to go away, he is getting in the fun while he can!

So the good news is that Alex is becoming a pro at making sure he gets his outside clothes on in the correct order, and most of the time, he even has his boots on the right feet! But, then, the middle of last week, he started to get sick. He made it through and only missed one day of school (which, when he came home, he acted like nothing was wrong, he thought he would get to play with me), otherwise he was quite the trooper. I know he loves to be outside, so it was hard for me that day he was home and I wanted to focus on getting better, not playing with me.

From Friday of last week, Alex has been out of sorts. He was disruptive during class, did not want to do his morning chores, and he was being aggressive toward his classmates. Tony and I changed his nighttime routine, so it is the exact same every night, and I gave him a break Wednesday morning and had Tony get him ready for school. My mom and dad picked him up from school, and my mom said that he had a much better day than the previous days, and even the note on Thursday was reassuring, saying that even though a kid reported some wrongdoing on Alex's part on the bus, he was eager to do what was asked of him at school and did his morning jobs with no problems.

I have been reading about behavior management, especially what is effective for autistics. Unlike what some people think, you cannot simply yell at or punish an autistic the same way people do to other children. Instead, a conversation should be started about what was wrong with the behavior they showed, and how they can correct it for the next time. I have also been looking for an app for his iPad, something involving social situations and what the right way to treat your friends is, but I have not been able to find anything yet. I may have to have the Google extraordinaire, Tony, look for one. Or maybe Stacey... she is really good at finding things that I need too.

I was also trying to figure out last night, waking up every couple hours to think, about what could the problem have been. Why did he suddenly start acting this way? Was he just overwhelmed with the amount of "Mom Time" he was getting? Did he want to spend more time with Dad and just didn't know how to ask? Is he getting bored at school? I am stressing myself out a lot by trying to figure out the answer, and so I need to step back from the issue, and focus back on Alex, not the problem.

I need to take another picture break.

Playing with his new Hulk. 

Eating Yogurt Raisins and playing iPad.

Reading his new Guardian books.

He is struggling with new concepts in school, and he is still having aggression issues. I think that I have to face the fact that it is time to go back and see his doctors to discuss these issues. We need to figure out what we need to do to make his time in school less stressful for him, get him to start interacting with his peers differently, and help him to be as successful as he can.

I got a letter home from his teacher telling about how the quarter ends on the 23rd of this month, and that after this time they are going to start working on stuff they will need to be prepared for 1st grade. He struggles working independently (which I kind of laughed about because that is the only way that I like to work) and he has to learn how to work better with others at the same time.

I feel, well, a variety of things. Overwhelmed, because I guess I am not sure where to start. I feel sad because I know this is something that is going to cause a lot of fights between us and Alex. Lost. Angry. You know, all of those feelings that one would expect in this particular situation. I want to just cry... a lot. It is my job to handle this, and this is one of those times where I could not imagine being one of those parents that just rely on the school to do everything.

I need to take a breather. I need to just take some time with Tony and discuss what we should do. Meanwhile, I think I am just going to do more research on the subject, and hope that I can come up with answers. I cannot take many more sleepless nights worrying and thinking.

Happy New Year!

While this week brought another change in his routine (started back at school again from winter break), nothing really overwhelming happened. Last night some friends of ours came over and Alex was able to play with their baby daughter, because as we know, he has been practicing taking care of babies at school.

He did a lot of playing in the snow, and when I asked him if winter was his favorite season, he jumped and said, "YES!" So that answers that question.

This week I have been thinking a lot about words. We are extremely lucky that Alex has language skills, because some Autistics don't speak at all. I know people probably look at Tony and I and judge us as parents because we do not really censor ourselves around Alex, and we try to teach him that words and their meanings are just something that humans made up. In the vast grand scheme of things, does it really matter what four letter word I just called the neighbor?

We are very laid back parents, which works because its what Alex responds to the best.

For this first post of the new year, I think I will not go any deeper, or any longer. Yesterday, I found my wedding dress, so today I am quite tired from that ferociously girly experience that I am totally not used to. I made the lady who was helping me find dresses and put them on cry with my story. She saw my tattoo and said it was very interesting, and I told her the story was much more interesting.

Next week's entry, hopefully, I will have some engagement photos to share, and since they will have a normal school week, maybe I will have more interesting Alex-isms to share.

I hope you are all having a happy new year!